Life on a Printed Plane

Sitting in traffic waiting for the light to change, Abby's thoughts arrowed with worry about Ben, as they did with increasing regularity recently. Something was bothering him, and no matter how many times she asked him, he would always give her a sad smile and insist that he was fine.  That he wasn't fine was clear to anyone with eyes.  His smile never reached his eyes anymore, the joy had faded from his life, he was just going through the motions.  Except during sex, where he seemed almost frantic in his desire to pleasure her, rather than to take pleasure for himself.  Traffic moving again, Ben faded back onto the back burner of her thoughts, rush hour traffic demanded more of her attention.

Pulling into their driveway, Abby was surprised to see that Ben was already home.  His project must at long last be completed.  Maybe tonight would be the night she could pry his secret from him, and then work on his unhappiness.  Opening the front door, she heard the sounds of the tv coming from the family room, as usual ESPN was on.  Going to their bedroom to change out of her work clothes, pulling on comfortable jeans and a sweater, she noticed that Ben had left his clothes in a heap on the floor.  That was the last straw, he never left his clothes laying around.  In fact he was forever hanging up her clothes.  Determined to get to the bottom of his depression, she stepped into the family room.



Abby saw the collection of beer bottles next to his chair, Ben enjoyed a few now and again, but there were at least 6 bottles scattered around him.  Believing him to be sleeping with beer, she began picking up the mess, when he spoke she squealed and dropped the bottles she had picked up.

"Sorry dear, I'll pick those up in a minute.  I...."  Ben cleared his throat and tried again, "I need to talk to you.  I..... we ah.... I want a divorce."

Abby was wordless with shock.  Sinking onto the sofa, this new knowledge didn't make any of the last few weeks of Ben's puzzling behavior fall into place.  No, there was something else.  Knowing unless she dragged what ever it was out of him, their marriage of 5 years was over.  Getting up and kicking aside the bottles, she knelt  between his legs, resting her head on his lap.  Many years of habit caused his hand to rest on her head, stroking her hair gently.

Not moving from her position she asked, "Baby?  Talk to me.  If you can convince me that you no longer love me, I'll give you a divorce. I think you still love me."

Ben started sobbing, and slid out from under Abby to sit on the floor with her.  Clutching her to him, almost painfully so, his tears wracked him.  Wild and uncontrolled his sobbing shook him, never once loosening his hold on her.  Abby stroked his back and let him cry himself out.  Dumping that pent up emotion should help him talk about what ever was eating him alive.

"Abby?  I love you!  I don't want a divorce, honestly.  But I don't know what else to do.  You deserve a better husband."

"Tell me what makes you think I need a better husband.  It is you that makes me happy, and only you!"

Sobs tore out of him again, the violence of his grief surprised Abby to no end.  Hugging him tightly to her, trying to make him understand how much she loved him.

"Do you remember when we started dating what I told you about me?"

Abby was furiously thinking back to their first weeks together, nothing was coming to her that should have been causing him to be this upset.  "I am pulling a blank here.  Worry has wiped my mind clean, just tell me, please."

"I told you I was bi, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, so?"

"I really thought that I could control my desires for....... men.  And for a long time, they faded away.  But, lately I have been plagued with desire for...... men again.  It fills my thoughts, no matter how much I try, they just won't go away.  I don't want to break our wedding vows, the idea of being an adulterer, burns me.  I would rather set you free to find some nice guy who will love only you.  Someone that you will be enough for."

"I don't want someone else!  I am happy with you!  Can't we work this out?  There must be a middle ground between us loosing each other, and you living a miserable life."  Both of them fell into silence, an unscalable impasse blocking their way.

A sad chuckle broke the silence, "There is only a few paths for us to walk Abby.  We divorce, we don't and I am miserable, or we bring someone into our marriage."

"Yes!  I want the last one!  Can you, could you, I mean....."  Abby pulled herself from Ben's arms, and pushed back to better see his face, she needed to be able to read his expressions for this next part.  "I know you love me right?  As much as when we first got married?"

"I love you more!  Oh, I love you so much more than when we married."

"Can you love a man and love me too?"

Ben was not following Abby at all.  "I don't understand.  What are you getting at?"

"I want you to look for a boyfriend.  Bring him home, let me met him, see if he could love me too.  Our marriage could be a triplet, rather than a pair.  You just have to promise not to fall out of love with me, or at least try not to.  If you come to love him more than me, leaving it like it is now, would lead us to divorce anyway.  This way we are trying to save our marriage."

"Abby are you sure about this?  Bringing someone else into our marriage?  How would that even work?"

"I am not sure how this will work.  I am sure that I love you enough to share you.  As long as he realizes he has to share you.  We will have to walk a new path each and every day.  Their will be pitfalls, hurt and bruised feelings, but if we truly work on this, I think we have a chance to make this work."  Pulling Ben in for a strong tight hug, kissing his neck, feeling him hold her like a life preserver on a stormy sea.

"Are you really sure about this?  Honestly?  You will be able to share me?  In bed?"

"I won't lie to you, it will be hard.  But, I think we can get this to work.  This will be a work in progress, rules will be made, rules will change, until we reach an equilibrium, where everyone is happy."  Abby stood up and tugged on his hand, "Come on get up. You have to get going."

Ben stood up, "Where am I going?"

"First stop the shower, cause you reek, and then to a gay bar I suppose."

"Huh?  What?  Why?"

"Well, I am sorry to break the news to you, but I don't keep a supply of gay/bi men in storage in the basement.  You need to get out there and find us our third member."

"Uhh, Abby?  What if the person I fall in love with is gay?  He won't have any interest in.... sex with you."

"You are enough for me in bed anyway,  that would be fine.  Don't worry so much, we will figure this out as we go along.  Just worry about finding someone you can love.  My only criteria is that he has to be a truly and honestly nice guy.  Now get going, before all the good ones are snapped up for tonight."

"Jeez!  Are you always this pushy?"

"You know it!"

"Abby are you really sure about this?"

"If it means keeping you, yes.  If it means seeing you happy and smiling again, hell yeah!  Now get going!"  Swatting him on the rear as he walked by, Abby followed him into the bedroom. Opening the closet doors, standing looking at his clothing.  Ben stood there watching her, a questioning look on his face.  "What?  I am picking you out an outfit that will make you look hot.  If I left it to you, it would be your baggie jeans and a sweatshirt.  Go get clean."

"This feels so wrong!  I don't wanna go.  I can deal with my feelings, now that you know it will be much easier."

"Yes, it will be easier with me knowing, but still will do nothing for your longings, your desires, your unquenched passions.  If we don't have you go tonight, we will talk each other out of this, and we will end up in the same place again and again, until we get tired of the circular path of sadness and despair and we would grow to hate each other.  And the last thing I want is to hate you.  Have you had to much to drink to drive?"

"Mmm, no, I have been home since right before noon, and it has been around 4 hours since I had anything to drink, and I made a sandwich an hour or so ago.  I didn't want to be drunk when you came home...  I don't want you to hate me either.  It just seems so..... I don't know, wrong maybe?"

"................ we can't live by what makes other people happy, we can only live by what works for us...... and if this works and makes us happy, then........ how can it be wrong?  Who will it be hurting?  I can't think of anyone.... And if one of us get hurts, we were going to be hurt anyway, by either divorcing or keeping things as they are.  Go get ready."

"'k, I'm still worried about how this is going to work, but you keep making good sense.  Been married to you for 5 years and I am just finding out you are pushy and make good sense.  Damn!  What else are you hiding?"

"You will just have to stick around and see."

Coming out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, toweling his hair dry, looked at the bed, and made a face of, well disgust.  "I hate those jeans they are too tight.  And you want me to wear them with a dress shirt?"

"Too bad. Get dressed.  No not your dirty tennis shoes. These shoes."

"Those are my dress shoes.  I do not get what you are doing.  None of this stuff goes together."

"You never do.  That is why I buy all of your clothes.  Stop whining and tuck that shirt in.  Hum, try these jeans on instead."  At his look of disbelief of wearing a ripped pair of jeans, he opened his mouth to complain, and seeing the look on her face, just shut up and pulled them on.  "Oh, much better..... Leave the shirt untucked..... here try this tee shirt instead.....nope I like the dress shirt better, try the blue one, it brings out your eyes.  There!  You are now officially ready."

Standing at the front door, wondering what in the hell had happened. Never in his life, had his life made such a drastic change in such a short amount of time.  Willing to give Abby's plan a try.  Even if everything blew up in their faces, he realized that he couldn't live like this any more.  Nothing ventured nothing gained the old saying went, and with that thought he opened their front door, and stepped into his future.