A New Path, Chapter 11, Morning coffee

Posted on 1:18 AM | By Biki Honko | In

Waking snuggled against Ben's side was a wonderful way to wake up, but as I grew more awake I realized that not only am I naked but I am naked in Abby's room.  Damn!  I must have been very tired to have stripped down last night before bed.  I lifted my head, and saw that Abby was still sleeping soundly.  Quietly I got up and on the way to the bathroom snagged up my boxers.  Coming out of the bathroom everyone was still sleeping soundly, but I wasn't tired any longer.  Do I get back to bed and enjoy just being close to Ben, or get up?  Standing there torn, being close to Ben won out, but then my stomach let out a loud grumble.  Man, am I hungry!  What time is it?  Seven a.m. no wonder I am hungry!  Ok, so no more snuggle time, the beast needs feeding.

Pulling on my jeans and teeshirt, I padded into the kitchen.  Forgetting that we didn't do the dishes last night the sight of the stacked dishes in the sink took me by surprise.  Looking around in the kitchen cupboards I found boxes of cereal dropped some bread in the toaster and in short order was feeding that loud and noisy beast that has lived in my stomach as long as I can remember.  But, now all I could think about was a cup of coffee.  Coffee, coffee, coffee!!! The smell of the coffee would surely wake Abby and Ben, but man could I go for a cup or two or four.  Hit with the bat of inspiration, I dumped coffee in the filter, filled the carafe with water and took the whole thing to the garage, and plugged it into the socket on the work bench.  Feeling quite pleased with myself, I decided to wash up the dishes while the coffee perked my addiction into the carafe.

Dishes done, coffee almost ready, humm now what?  Read the paper?  Nah…… It's always the same old news, just different names.  I wonder if Abby would mind me using her computer to check my email?  Hum, better not until I ask her first.  I really need to buy a lap top, that way i can carry it with me when I come …… home?  Do I still want to think of this house as "home"?  Going to the garage to pour a cup of coffee I decided to sit on the patio and enjoy the beautiful morning, and attempt to think my way through this maze I seem to find myself insnared in.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
Ok, first things first, I supposed.  What are my feelings for Ben, lust, love, what?  Sipping my coffee, listening to the breeze ruffle leaves, birds singing, the occasional passing car, the calm surroundings allowed my knotted emotions to begin to uncoil, and random thoughts floated to the surface.  His petrified face in the bar where we first met, his eyes and cheeks wet with tears, standing at the stove in a pair of my too large boxers making me breakfast, the look of exquisite joy that spills from him when we make love, the smile in his voice when he knows it's me on the phone, the feel of him in my arms as we are drifting off to sleep, his smell intoxicates me almost to the point of being drunk on it and that has never happened before.  When thinking of Ben what comes to mind, is it the sex, or something much more?  And with that, I could feel my face soften and a small smile lift my lips, oh it's not the sex, it's him, and yeah I love him.  Knowing now what I'm feeling without any doubt in my mind is love, I'm shook with the revelation that this is the first time I have even been in love….. wow!  This is love then, no wonder everyone sings about it!

Sitting in a quite comfy lawn chair, sipping coffee reveling in the fact that I love someone.  I know, I know I had told him many times that I loved him, but now without a doubt I know that I actually and honestly love him.  With that fact firmly in mind, the chains of hurt and betrayal from my past boyfriend fell from my heart, and for the first time in many a long year my heart floated free in my chest without any thing weighing it down.  Dropping my head back on to the chair, breathing in the fresh clear morning air, feeling the breeze ruffle my hair, my heart was free, free of everything that had been weighing it down for so very long the feeling was just indescribably and utterly……. fabulous!

So, what do I want to do?  Do I move into Abby's as planned before yesterday's melt down?  Or….. wait?  Wait for…….. what? What is holding me back, is it to soon?  How could it not be to soon?  Let's get honest here, it's only been a week, a little shy of a week to be truthful.  It would allow things to mature along the way……. and tear Ben into pieces.  He loves being with each of us, and misses who ever he isn't with, how long can he deal with juggling the two of us?  Sighing out my anxiety, the answer was clear cut to me, I just didn't want to face it.  It was better to not move in yet, but damn it would be so easy to slip into life here.  Is that what is bothering me, how easy I slipped into their life?  But, it wasn't me that molded myself to fit into their lives, I just fit in some strange and slightly scary way, we all dovetail together perfectly.

Can three people be soul mates, ok how silly does that sound?  But wait a moment…… why is three being soul mates any odder than  two people being soul mates?  Is it just that all you hear about is two being soul mates?  I don't know!  All I do know, all that is clear to me is how I feel about Ben, and his feelings towards me.  So……. where does that leave me in the move in or stay put debate?  Ok yeah let's do the devil's advocate for a while…… I move in, and it doesn't work out….. and end up moving out with a broken heart.  I don't move in, and it falls apart, and I end up with a broken heart, but a place to live…. that will be filled with memories of Ben and me in happier days.

Yeah…… my problem is worry about getting my heart broken, ok that makes perfect sense, nothing wrong with that logic.  However my heart isn't safe with either scenario, no matter if I move in or not, my heart could still get hurt. Ok, ok so where does that leave me?  Take out the worry of a broken heart and what is left?  Taking the last sip of my coffee, I head to the house to fix up another cup.  Carrying my cup back to the patio I sit and go back to thinking.  Pulling the broken heart out of the equation, everything else is equal actually.  Moving in won't change anything really, and staying in my apartment will only slow us melting three people into a couple, well ok a triplet. Is taking things slower a better way to build a relationship?  Or does it allow more misunderstandings to pile up?  Hmm, I think it could be argued both ways really.

And there I am back at the beginning of my questionings, what do I want to do?  What would make me happiest?  Because I am important in this question, my needs are just as relevant as Ben's or Abby's.  Sipping my coffee, looking around without seeing, my mind only fixed on fighting this very slippery question to the mat.  To soon or not, I want to move in.  Abby makes me feel so welcome, it's obvious that she loves me in some capacity, like my confused feelings for her.  If Ben ends up being the meat in our love sandwich, and that's the closest that Abby and I ever come to sex, am I ok with that?  Do I want to have sex with Abby?  Closing my eyes I run past my mind all the times I have been with her, and can't remember ever feeling my cock stir for her.  Could that change after spending more time with her?  Ya know, I don't really know…..

A barking dog brought me out of my musings, and back to the present, I need to just get a grip here and make a decision.  Do I want to make a decision based on past experiences, or do I jettison the past and take the plunge and move in?  Putting down my cup, I get up and actually look at the back yard.  Can I live here, and think of this as my place, or will I always think of this as Abby and Ben's?  Nah, I am sure that shortly this would begin to feel like my home also.  Well, I guess that my decision has been made, yeah?  I move in.  Do I spend today moving in, or wait until next weekend and just bring what I really need for this week?  Nah, I don't want to spend today moving in.  Ok, essentials it is then. I do need to wash my work clothing before work on Tuesday.  Well there I go, while they are at work on Monday, i can pack and move in.  That sounds like a workable plan to me.

Well?  What do I think, am I happy with my decision?  Yeah, yeah I am.  This seems to be the only way to play this hand, plunge in and see how it plays out.  All I know that I can't remember being this happy, ever!  I love Ben, and Abby?  Hmm, that is going to take some work to untangle those feelings.  Sister, umm nah, there is something more there than a sister.  Lover, ahh no that's not it either.  Platonic love…….. yeah I love her but at least in this point in time I'm not interested in making it physical. Do I feel the least bit bisexual?  No, not at all.  It could happen though gay guys fall in love with women and marry them.  But, it seems from what I have heard, there comes a point where they become unhappy in their marriage, denying an important part of who they are begins to take a toil on them.  Falling in love with Abby wouldn't carry that burden however, because I will have Ben by my side.  And if I do decide to dip my toe into the waters of heterosexuality, it could be an infrequent swim, not a full time lifestyle, but honestly, I don't really see myself going there.

I heard the patio door open, and there was my Ben, ruffled and still warm from bed, and looking oh so desirable.  Padding over to my chair, he squeezed in next to me, throwing his legs over mine as I pulled him up tight against me.

"How long have you been up?"

"Since about 7."

"Umm.  Didn't you sleep well?"

"Yeah I did.  Guess I just ran out of tired.  Ya want a sip of my coffee?"

"Sure, even if you hide it with all that sugar and milk."

We sat in companionable silence, sharing my coffee, and the comfort of physical closeness.

"Derrick?"

"Yeah."

"You ok?"

"Oh yeah, better than I have been in a really long long time.  And ya know what?"

"What?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking this morning and made a lot of decisions, and one really important one."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"You going to tell me, or is that all I get told?"

"Ok, pushy fella I'll tell ya.  I love you."

Ben started chuckling at that, his eyes twinkling saying, "I think you might have told me that a time or two already."

"No, you don't understand what I am trying to tell you.  I now know without any doubts that I do love you.  And."

"And?  You can't stop there.  And what?"

"And I have decided to move in.  It's silly to worry about all the what ifs, I'm ready to begin living for the first time in a really long time."

"Ok, I have a question for you."

"Yeah?"

"When I tell you I love you, do you believe me?"

"Oh hell yeah.  No doubt about that."

"Good!  Because I really do love you.  Did you mean it about moving in?"

"I did."

"When?"

"Tomorrow.  I don't want to waste today moving my stuff."

"Sounds good.  Know what sounds better?"

"Hmm?"

Ben leaned over and whispered, "Kisses."  And then proceeded to demonstrate just how much better kissing was than talking.  His kisses had wandered from my lips to that shivery place behind my ear, causing thoughts of lips warm and wet causing shivers elsewhere.  Ben must have been thinking the same thing as me because he pulled his lips from mine only far enough away to whisper, "Should we go inside?"

"…..oh yeah."

Quietly shutting the guest room door behind him, Ben said, "I want you inside me."

Before I could get my mouth open he opened the nightstand draw showing me the box of condoms and lube, causing me to loose all interest in talking.

Abby slowly awakened, stretching in delight of being able to sleep as long as she wanted, not as long as the clock wanted her to sleep.  Luxuriating in the bliss of just enjoying being warm and relaxed, without any reason to hurry anywhere.  As she laid there comfy and happy, a sound caught her attention, and again came the sound.  Trying to figure out what she was hearing, she actively began to listen, and slowly she realized what she was hearing, Ben and Derrick were having sex.  Getting up, she quietly opened the door, and tip toed to the door of the guest room, listening to the sounds Ben and Derrick we making.  Knowing she was wrong, but almost unable to stop herself, she slowly turned the doorknob and cracked the door open.  Peering in the crack through the barely opened door, Abby watched with a mixture of shock, dismay and arousal.  Shock because while she knew what men together, it was more as an abstract knowledge, but to actually see it, and see her Ben in that position was an awakening.  Dismay due to the fact he never made those noises with her!  He seemed to be enjoying sex much more with Derrick than he ever did with her.  Watching the muscles along Derrick's back flex and bunch as he thrust into Ben, the movement of his ass as he worked in and out of Ben, started arousing her.  Backing slowly away from the door, she retreated back to the bedroom.

Sitting down on the bed, pulling the covers up over her lap Abby sat and thought over what she had just seen.  Did it bother her?  No, not really, just more of a shock really. From the sounds Ben was making it was very obvious how much he was enjoying it.  He sounded……. happy?  Was that even possible to sound happy making love?  She guess it was, if the noises Ben was making meant anything.  Sitting there pondering over this past week, pieces of the puzzle started slotting into place.  Ben did love her, but she couldn't fill all of his needs, either physically or emotionally.  As much as that idea stung and burned, she knew it wasn't anything lacking in her, rather it was Ben had more needs that any one sex could fulfill.  The sudden dawning of how hard the last five years must have been for Ben washed over her.  We have to figure how to make this work for all of us.  All of our happiness hinges on if we can reinvent our marriage, into something that allows all three of us to be happy.

Ben stood in the guest bedroom, toweling his hair saying, "Let's change the sheets and run them through the washer, ok?"

"Yeah, I was wondering about that."

"I got kinda noisy, didn't I?  I really did try to keep it down."

"Do you think Abby will be mad?"

"Well, she shouldn't be, but this is still weird for all of us."

"Yeah.  Where do you keep the sheets?"

"In the hall linen cupboard.  The sheets that fit this bed are blue or grey."

"Umm, Ben?"

The sound in Derrick's voice made me snap into total focus, "What's wrong?"

"I know you shut the door, but it's open now."

"Oh gods!  She saw us?  I don't know if she was ready for that yet."

"What do you think she'll do now?"

"I don't have a clue."  Sighing and now well worried Ben pulled on his boxers and tee-shirt saying, "Let me go talk to her."

"No!"

"No? No what?"

"It should be both of us, not just you."

"Are you sure?  It could get ugly."

"Yes, I'm sure.  If we are going to be a triplet, then we need to work through things together.  Not just you and Abby.  Not just you and me.  But all three of us, yeah?"

"Yeah."

I really didn't know what to expect when I opened up our bedroom door.  Derrick stood to the side of the doorway to preserve Abby's privacy if she was getting dressed.  Abby was sitting on the bed reading a magazine while picking the tangles out of her freshly washed hair.

"Hey good morning Ben.  Is Derrick still here?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Morning honey.  Did ya sleep well?"  I was quaking with fear, but on the surface Abby seemed serene.

"Oh, ever so good.  How about you guys?"

"Yeah.  I slept really well Abby."  Derrick's voice sounded strained.

"Super.  Hey guys?  I'm not upset at all about you two having sex, ok?  Really."

I walked over the bed and sat down beside Abby.  Looking at her this closely, I still couldn't see where she was the least bit upset.  Pulling in a huge breath, deciding to just be all kinds of brave and get this out in the open as soon as possible, I motioned to Derrick to have a seat on the bed also saying, "Abby, umm we know you saw us.  Are you ok with everything?"

"It took a bit for me to work through it all, but yeah I'm fine.  Honestly.  Ok?"

Taking Abby's chin in my hand, I tilted her face up to look in her eyes, "Are you honestly ok with everything, really?"

"Yes, I'm better than fine.  Actually to tell you two the truth, I understand Ben so much better now that before.  I will do everything in my power to make this work.  And I mean it."

Trying to piece together her seeing us have sex and understanding me better made my head hurt.  How on earth does that even make any sense?  I couldn't figure it out at all.  So, being the rather lazy guy I can be I just decided to ask her, "Honey?  You are so going to have to explain yourself because I for one am lost.  How about you Derrick?"

We both turned to look at Derrick, who had a far away look on his face.  He was working on something that was clear as day, but what?

"I understand, at least I think I do.  Umm, not to be to crude about it, but you always saw Ben doing to me what he does to you, right?"

"Umm, yeah I did."

"But seeing him in the same position as you bothered you, didn't it?"

"It did.  I mean it was obvious that someone would have to be…. I mean to ahh………."

"Bottom?  Receiver?  Catcher?  Which word is more comfortable for us to use?"

Abby turned bright red and in a fairly quiet voice said, "Bottom is the only word I have heard used for…… ahh that."

"How about we use receiver, ok?  Yes, someone is going to have to receive if we have penetrative sex.  And it's not always Ben who is the receiver.  We both enjoy receiving, Ben just slightly more.  Are you ok thinking of Ben that way?"

"Ye…ah.  It just really surprised me at first.  But then after I thought about why he would….. um want to ahh receive, it made sense to me, it's something that he can't get from me and needs."

Derrick pulled Abby into a hug, and kissed the top of her head. "Yes, that is something he can't get from you, it's very true.  There are things he can't get from me, ya know?"

Abby sighed and relaxed into Derrick's chest, "I had finally figured it all out, before you came in here.  It's ok, just well, tis rather surprising."

"I bet it was."

Abby pulled from Derrick's arms and turned slightly to see me better, she kissed me gently and very softly asked, "Ben?"

"Yes honey.  What do you want to tell me?"

"I finally understand what you have been trying to tell me this past week.  And I did try to understand you, I really did!  The idea was just so new to me, that I just couldn't wrap my head around it.  But seeing you with Derrick finally made things click into place for me.  I get it now, and I am fine with it, really."

"Are you sure about that honey?"

"……. I am. It's all new and a whole different way of thinking for me, but yeah I'm ok with it.  Now I have a question for the both of you."

"What do you want to ask?"

"Well two things really.  Will you please move in with us?  And can we still go clothes shopping for you?"

"Yes I'm moving in, tomorrow. How about we stop somewhere and get some brunch, anyone else hungry?  And yes to clothes shopping."

Abby and I giggled about Derrick being hungry.  When wasn't he hungry?

Comments (0)