Life on a Printed Plane

 Sitting at the diner waiting for our breakfasts to arrive, my mind just sort of drifted off.  I'm still trying to work my head around what I saw this morning.  I mean knowing is one thing, but seeing is quite another.  I don't really know what bothers me the most, seeing Ben having sex with Derrick, or how much Ben enjoyed it, and well, also that it was……..arousing.  What made it arousing to me?   I just don't know.  I'm going to have to spend a lot of time thinking through all of this I think.  It's really odd, one moment I'm fine with seeing them enjoying sex, and then the next moment, I'm completely overwhelmed and lost and slightly confused.  I just can't get the picture of them out of my head……..

"Abby?  You ok, honey?"  When Ben spoke to me it jerked me back to the world at large.

"Yeah, I'm ok, just thinking that's all."

"About this morning?"

"Uh huh.  Just trying to get it all straight in my head that's all.  I just need to work on some stuff, ok?"

"Wanna tell us what?"

"Not yet.  I need to work through this some more on my own first."

"Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

"Very.  I need to work some of this myself, ok?"

"Sure honey."

Over our breakfast we chatted about a nothing important, just the little things that seemingly fill most every table during meal times.  It was pleasant and relaxed, and a really nice counterpoint to the emotional morning.  Walking to the car, I grabbed Derrick's hand and his surprised but pleased grin made me happy.  Taking a quick hop step pulling Derrick with me, I snagged Ben's hand earning me a happy grin from him.  I wanted to sit in the back seat on the way to the mall, not really in the mood to chat, and this allowed me time to think.


I'm rather worried about how Abby is actually dealing with seeing Derrick and I together this morning. She never wants to sit in the back seat, and almost leaped in front of Derrick to get to the back passenger door before he could.  She seems to fluctuate between the posts of handling it and floundering.  On the drive to the mall I kept looking in the rear view mirror, no tears well that had to be a good sign, yeah?  Sigh…… this is going to be tough day all around I think.

As we got out of the car, Abby looked up into Derrick's hesitant smile saying, "Well big guy, I hope your debt card is made of asbestos because it's going to burn a path through the mall today!"

Derrick shot a look at me of pure and utter helplessness.  Laughing at his bunny in the road look saying, "I tried to warn you that she is a shopping warrior.  We won't be leaving anytime soon, I can tell you that."

Gulping a little at that thought a strangled whisper came from him, "Ok."

With Abby leading the way, she attacked the first large department store with precision.  Jeans, polos, tee shirts, and jackets flowed into and out of his dressing room.  I was on guard to make sure he tried on everything and it fit well, and to make sure he didn't run away I think!  Progressing thru the mall, hoodies from a store that seemed to overflow with them, and had some very cute salespeople.  One very cute guy wouldn't stop touching Derrick, and some possessiveness streak that I didn't know I had caused me to wrap my arm around his waist.  In a very brave move, Derrick leaned in and quickly kissed my lips earning a smile from me and a look of disappointment on the clerks face.  What won the priceless look though, was when Abby came up and she earned a kiss on the lips from the both of us!

Derrick was beginning to flag that was clear.  His interest in shopping was almost nil to start, and this marathon shopping was not his sport.  Hmm, what we need is a carrot, something that will keep him shopping until Abby decides he is done.  Just as I was opening my mouth to suggest lunch, or a snack or something to eat, a squeal came from Abby and dropping all the bags she had been holding she ran into a woman's arms, who was squealing along with Abby.  We stood there completely forgotten, wondering who this woman was.  They were hugging and talking, only to hug some more, Derrick looked at me, and I just shrugged an I don't have a clue shrug.  Finally Abby wound down a bit and tugged her over to us.

"Lisa Davis, this is my husband Ben Parker, and our good friend Derrick Addison.  Lisa and I were roommates my first three years of college, until she transferred."

"Hello Lisa, it's very nice to finally meet you. Abby has told me so much about you, it's almost as if I already know you."  Lisa had large dark brown sparkling eyes, deep dimples when she smiled, smooth beautiful skin the color of milk chocolate, and hair that fluffed out around her head in long curls.  A very beautiful woman.

Derrick looked worried and uncomfortable but held out his hand saying, "Hi Lisa."  Lisa grabbed his hand with both of hers, and just held it softly between hers, causing an impressive flow of emotions across his face.

Lisa looked Derrick over with an apprising eye, I think she really liked what she saw, and was being so obvious that it caused Derrick to slightly redden.  Abby watched Lisa devour Derrick with her eyes, and suddenly it occurred to her that Lisa was interested in Derrick!

"Derrick weren't you going to buy a laptop today?  Why don't you two boys go put all my bags in car, and go to the computer store and let us girls catch up. Ok?"

"Sounds good to me, maybe we can get together for dinner?"  I was so happy that Abby had given us a way out.  Hopefully she would clue Lisa in on the fact that Derrick wasn't interested in her.

"Dinner would be lovely!  It was very nice to finally meet you Ben, I have heard so much about you, and yes it's all good.  Now that I'm back in the area hopefully we will be able to see a lot of each other in the future.  It was great meeting you to Derrick."

"Yeah, nice to have meet you too Lisa."  To keep Lisa from getting ahold of his hand again, he bent down and and started picking up as many of the shopping bags as he could.  I hurried to scoop up the rest of them.

As we walked to the car, Derrick let out a loud breath, "Man I hate it when women look at me that way!  I feel like a piece of meat or something. Ya know?"

"I wouldn't know Mr. Handsome!  Women don't look at me like that.  Me? I'm a fairly average looking guy, but you?  You are drop dead gorgeous, and I think one of the things that makes you so handsome is that you don't realize it."

"Me?  Pfft!  Yeah, right.  You're the one who is all kinds of handsome, not me!"

We laughed all the way to the car, and for a while on the way back briefly held hands.  Those few stolen moments of holding hands felt so good.  I really wanted a kiss, but that was pushing it, and I wasn't ready yet to possibly be seen by someone I knew.  How lame was that?  I love Derrick, but I want to hide our love.  Oh what the hell!  I'm not going to deny him again, like we did with Lisa, I grabbed his hand and quickly pulled him in for a quick kiss.  Shock was written all over his face, which was quickly replaced with happiness.  Smiling he kissed me back.  He understood what my kiss was saying, and it took some of the sting out of being introduced as a "good friend" earlier.

"I'm sorry about earlier.  We need to work on introducing you to our friends and acquaintances.  But, we will get better at it, I promise."

"No, no, I understand, and it's cool.  Honestly, what was Abby to say?  This is my husband and his boyfriend?"

"It's not cool at all.  What she should have said, is this is my husband, Ben, and my other husband Derrick."

"But, I'm not Abby's husband now am I?  If I'm anyone's husband it would be yours.  At the most?  I am Abby's good friend like she said."

"That's not true Derrick and you know it!"

"Yes Ben, it's true and you know it.  Abby and I are just getting to know each other.  It's going to take us a while to get beyond friends.  But to call me Abby's husband?  I don't know if that title will ever qualify.  I do love her, and I think she will grow to love me, but not in a lover sort of way.  And I think that is one of the requirements for the title of husband is to be her lover, and I just don't see that happening, ever.  I know you had hopes for that, but she doesn't move me that way.  And to be honest, I don't think I move her that way either, and I'm fine with that, and you need to deal with that fact.  Sexually we are going to be two couples, not three."

Sighing I replied, "I know, or at least am beginning to understand.  I am just worried that it could lead to jealousy being two couples and not three."

"I don't think you have to worry about that.  So, far we are working thru things and everyone seems happy, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, enough talk, let's go buy me a computer."



What kind of odds is it that I would meet up with Lisa after all these years in a mall?  Walking to a coffee shop we exchanged the latest news in each others lives.  I knew Lisa had been transferred back to our area, but the last I heard she didn't know the exact date. She had only been back in town less than a week, and with the flurry of finding an apartment while working full time had left her at the end of the day absolutely exhausted, but she was planning on calling me next weekend.  After ordering our coffees, and pastries our talk turned from getting all caught up to current events.

"So, tell me all about that delicious Derrick?  Is he dating?  If so, do you think it's serious?  Or do I have a chance to steal him away?"

"Umm, Lisa he is in a very serious relationship."

"Oh.  How long has he been dating her?"

"Only a week, and umm it's not a her, it's a him."

"He's gay? Shit.  How could it be that serious if it's only been a week?"

"It's just one of those love at first sights kinda things."

"Oh, have you met his boyfriend yet?"

"Yeah, I have."

"Do you like him?  Is he a nice guy?"

I sat there for a moment trying to decide how to answer that. Do I come clean?  Or do I lie?  Quickly I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Ben, "Do I tell her about us?"

My phone chimed and I read Ben's answer which was short and to the point. "Yes."

"Abby?  What's up?  What's wrong?"

"Lisa, yes I know Derrick's boyfriend, and not only do I like him,"  I drew in a huge and kinda shaky breath, and looking down at the table said, "I love him.  It's Ben."

I quickly looked up, the expression on her face was hard to read, I had no idea what she was thinking at all.  Sweat broke out in my armpits, and my hands started to shake, when a warm hand was laid on mine.

"Abby?  It's ok, really it is.  Wanna talk to me about it?"

In fits and starts I told her every thing, from the day when I came home with Ben wanting a divorce to this mornings activities in the guest room and how it affected me.  Running out of words I just sat there, afraid to look up, afraid she would get up in disgust with me, with Ben, and turn her back on me, forever.

"Oh!  How sad!  Poor Ben!  But, more to the point, are you really ok with all of this? Honestly?"

"It's been a rough week, I won't lie to you.  Lisa I wish you could see the difference between last weeks Ben and this weeks.  He is so much happier.  You saw him, he almost glows with happiness.  When our happiness started to fade, I don't really know.  All I know is that since it's back, did I realize how far we had slipped from each other.  Our love feels renewed, fresh again.  When he holds me, there is no space between us, Derrick isn't between us at all.  Ben loves both of us.  And Derrick, how could you not love him.  He is so very sweet, so loving.  He was prepared to give Ben up, rather than come between us.  He brought Ben home to me, he forced Ben to come home and set things right after our giant fight.  I am starting to fall in love Derrick."

"Wow!  Abby, I have to give you props for letting Ben bring his boyfriend home to live with you two.  I don't think I would be as accommodating as you have been."

"If you loved him as much as I love Ben, you would have done the exact same thing.  The only other option was to lose Ben, and I didn't want to do that I love Ben, and I want him to be happy.  And to be honest, i can't imagine my life without Ben in it.  Somehow it doesn't really feel like I am sharing him, it seems like I have more of him than ever before."

"How can that be?"

"Well, Ben doesn't have to hide part of himself from me any longer.  I mean when we first met he did tell me that he was bi, but it never was mentioned again, and it just slipped from my mind.  But, for Ben while he loves me, there was a part of him he was denying, and I guess it got to the point where it overwhelmed him until he just couldn't deny it any longer.  And now, he is whole, so for the first time in a very long time I have all of Ben again."

"Oh… How do you decide who Ben sleeps with?"

"Oh, we all share a bed.  Ben sleeps in the middle.  So, we each get to snuggle with him.  Derrick gets up hours before me, and Ben gets up with him, and Ben is there when I wake up.  We each get some alone time with him, which is just wonderful.  Ben and I get home from work hours before Derrick does, and that has led to some really sweaty and passionate sex.  Derrick has slipped into our lives so effortlessly, almost like we have been a…… a triplet forever."

"You know what you should do?  If you are really ok with all of this? Are you really ok with this living arrangement?"

"Yeah I am.  There are still some issues we need to address, but I am happy."

"Then you need to make him an equal partner, and soon."

"Equal partner?  How?"

"Give him a ring, a wedding ring.  Do the vows again.  Maybe new bands for everyone to celebrate this new beginning."

"Ya know what?  That is an excellent idea.  Now comes the hard part, telling people."

"Ohh, that is going to be the tricky part.  I guess the best thing to do, for now only tell people you think will be ok with it.  What about your mom?  Does she know?"

"No.  I thought I should get things all settled and have all the bumps worked out before we tell her.  I'm kinda worried about telling her.  And my sister………. I have no idea how she will take it.  Luckily she moved a few hours away last year, so we don't see her to often."

"Things are still rough between you two then?"

"Yeah, nothing has changed there at all.  I have no idea why she is so jealous of me, but she is.  And I can just image what kinda storm this will cause.  But, I want to get mom on board with this before we tell Emily."

"Somethings never change do they?"

"No, well not Emily at least.  I think she is going to make mom choose between her or me, and I really hate putting mom in that position."

"Who do you think your mom will side with?"

I sighed rather loudly, "Mom has mostly stayed out our bickering.  I think she will try very hard to not allow Emily to put her in the position of having to choose between us."

My phone chimed, and it was a text from Ben saying, "r u ok?"

I smiled at Lisa saying, "I need to call Ben, ok?"

"Sure."

"Hi!  Yeah, I'm ok.  No worries. At the coffee shop.  Ok, see ya soon.  Love ya!"

"Ok, they are done buying Derrick a laptop and will be here soon.  Are you sure your fine with……this…us?"

"Yes Abby, I am fine.  Stop worrying so much!"

Minutes ticked by and Ben and Derrick walked in, and quickly made their way to our table.

"Hi babe, you ok?"  Ben pulled me from my chair, and giving me an exquisite hug.  I just melted into the safe harbor of his arms.  Derrick leaned in and kissed my cheek.  Pulling free of Ben's arms I snuggled into Derrick's chest and felt his arms wind around me, and Ben kissed my cheek.  Putting me between them at the table I felt safe and protected, and very very loved.

"Derrick are you hungry?  Your tummy is rumbling.  Let me go get you something.  Ben are you hungry also?"

"Yeah, I could eat, how about a sandwich.  What about you bottomless pit?"

"Hey!  I'm not always hungry!"  The look Ben and I gave Derrick caused all of us to burst into laughter.

"Ok, I'm hungry most of the time, is that better?"

I kissed his cheek, "Well, I don't know about better, but much more honest!  I'll be right back."

After ordering their food and bringing their coffees back to the table I saw that Derrick and Ben were holding hands, but as soon as they saw me, they pulled apart making room for me again.  And at first I felt as if I was intruding, but at the happy smiles on both of their faces seeing me return, soon laid that snake to sleep, and I happily settled back between them.

We sat and chatted for over an hour, when Ben suddenly said, "How about coming home with us for supper?  We could grill some steaks or something."

"I would love to."

"Abby?  What do we want to make for supper?"

"Hmm, Lisa do you have any preference as to supper?"

"Nope, I love a good steak.  I will eat almost anything really."

"Even prosciutto?  That stuff isn't even food!"  Derrick shuddered at the memory of the flavor.

We all laughed at Derrick's expression, and he started chuckling along with us too.

"I do have to agree with you on that Derrick, prosciutto is not food.  It's spoiled lunch meat!"  Lisa's eyes merrily twinkled with playfullness.

"Exactly!"  Derrick held his fist up for Lisa to bump him, and she did quite enthusiastically.

"Ok, so we won't be dining on prosciutto tonight!  Any other requests?  And yeah I know Derrick, big portions!"  I kissed his cheek to pull any sting from my teasing words.

"Honey, how about you ride home with Lisa, and Derrick and I will stop off at the store and pick up the makings for supper?  Sound good?"

"Now how could I turn down two such cute grocery shoppers?  Go for it!"

Parting at the parking lot with the guys, Lisa and I walked to her car, chatting about nothing of consequence, I gave her the general direction to our house, and I was just about to burst like an over ripe tomato.

"Well?  What did you think of Derrick?"

"He is a dream!  And you are right, Ben loves both of you.  He lights up for you, he lights up for Derrick.  I think Derrick really loves you too."

"Yeah, me too.  Do you see what I mean about how easy he is to love?"

"I do."

We sat on the patio, enjoying the beautiful weather and just chatted idly about nothing of importance, waiting for the guys to come back so I could get supper started.  It was so nice to have Lisa back in my life.  And even better that she was fine with our arrangement.  The guys got back from the grocery store with bags of groceries.  The big surprise was they wanted to help make dinner.  Ben got the steaks marinating and the grill lit, Lisa made the salad, the guys wanted french fries and corn on the cob, so I got started on that.  And Derrick?  He made his favorite thing in the world, garlic bread.  I love watching Derrick kneel at the broiler watching the garlic bread like a hawk so that it doesn't burn. The look on his face is so sweet to me, a mixture of concentration and anticipation.

The evening was a tad bit to cold to eat on the patio, I can't wait for warmer weather to get here.  I love living on the patio, enjoying the fresh air, and the sounds of kids playing, and the smell of fresh cut grass which is the smell of summer to me.  Dinner was a huge success, the food was great, the company even better.  Ben bought Lisa and I a nice bottle of red wine, and of course beer for them.  They were pretty excited to try this beer, some import from somewhere…….  We sat over dinner for a long while, just chatting and enjoying getting to know each other again.

After a while Derrick got up and started to clear the table, after he got the table about halfway emptied, he nudged Ben saying, "Hey there boyfriend, ya going to sit on your lazy ass all night or are you going to get up and actually help?"

"Listening to you, I think you sound more like a wife than a boyfriend.  Nag, nag, nag!"  A huge smile spilt his face, as he was clearly teasing both Derrick and me.

Pretending to be mad I said, "Hey!! Watch it buster!"  At that everyone started to laugh, and then proceed to laugh even harder when Ben got up to help get things cleaned up.

Ben waved a hand towel at Lisa and I saying, "You two get out of here at let us clean this mess up."

Lisa and I beat a hasty retreat to the living room and let the guys get on with it, and we sat down to continue our visit.  After a few minutes, Lisa had finished her glass of water, and was still thirsty.  She got up to go into the kitchen but was back almost instantly, with a very funny look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Umm, I think I interrupted something in the kitchen."

Curious as to what was going on in the kitchen, I got up and peeked around the corner into the kitchen.  They were doing dishes and talking and laughing, nudging each other with their hips and seemed to be making dish duty a fun time.  Hmm, what were they doing when Lisa peeked in?

"Lisa I gotta ask, what were they doing when you looked in?  They are just doing dishes now."

"……………kissing….."

Laughing at the look on her face I said, "Yeah they do tend to do that.  Ben likes to kiss when he does dishes."

"Oh…. ok."

"See?  It's totally different hearing about it, than seeing it, yeah?"

"Yeah, it is."

Quickly the guys were done doing dishes and rejoined us.  And all to soon Lisa started to yawn, and that set Derrick off, and it was clear to everyone that our wonderful afternoon and evening had come to a close.  Shortly after saying farewell to Lisa, the three of us were snuggled in bed and drifting off to sleep.  A smile was on my face as I was falling asleep, such a completely awesome day!

Waking snuggled against Ben's side was a wonderful way to wake up, but as I grew more awake I realized that not only am I naked but I am naked in Abby's room.  Damn!  I must have been very tired to have stripped down last night before bed.  I lifted my head, and saw that Abby was still sleeping soundly.  Quietly I got up and on the way to the bathroom snagged up my boxers.  Coming out of the bathroom everyone was still sleeping soundly, but I wasn't tired any longer.  Do I get back to bed and enjoy just being close to Ben, or get up?  Standing there torn, being close to Ben won out, but then my stomach let out a loud grumble.  Man, am I hungry!  What time is it?  Seven a.m. no wonder I am hungry!  Ok, so no more snuggle time, the beast needs feeding.

Pulling on my jeans and teeshirt, I padded into the kitchen.  Forgetting that we didn't do the dishes last night the sight of the stacked dishes in the sink took me by surprise.  Looking around in the kitchen cupboards I found boxes of cereal dropped some bread in the toaster and in short order was feeding that loud and noisy beast that has lived in my stomach as long as I can remember.  But, now all I could think about was a cup of coffee.  Coffee, coffee, coffee!!! The smell of the coffee would surely wake Abby and Ben, but man could I go for a cup or two or four.  Hit with the bat of inspiration, I dumped coffee in the filter, filled the carafe with water and took the whole thing to the garage, and plugged it into the socket on the work bench.  Feeling quite pleased with myself, I decided to wash up the dishes while the coffee perked my addiction into the carafe.

Dishes done, coffee almost ready, humm now what?  Read the paper?  Nah…… It's always the same old news, just different names.  I wonder if Abby would mind me using her computer to check my email?  Hum, better not until I ask her first.  I really need to buy a lap top, that way i can carry it with me when I come …… home?  Do I still want to think of this house as "home"?  Going to the garage to pour a cup of coffee I decided to sit on the patio and enjoy the beautiful morning, and attempt to think my way through this maze I seem to find myself insnared in.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
Ok, first things first, I supposed.  What are my feelings for Ben, lust, love, what?  Sipping my coffee, listening to the breeze ruffle leaves, birds singing, the occasional passing car, the calm surroundings allowed my knotted emotions to begin to uncoil, and random thoughts floated to the surface.  His petrified face in the bar where we first met, his eyes and cheeks wet with tears, standing at the stove in a pair of my too large boxers making me breakfast, the look of exquisite joy that spills from him when we make love, the smile in his voice when he knows it's me on the phone, the feel of him in my arms as we are drifting off to sleep, his smell intoxicates me almost to the point of being drunk on it and that has never happened before.  When thinking of Ben what comes to mind, is it the sex, or something much more?  And with that, I could feel my face soften and a small smile lift my lips, oh it's not the sex, it's him, and yeah I love him.  Knowing now what I'm feeling without any doubt in my mind is love, I'm shook with the revelation that this is the first time I have even been in love….. wow!  This is love then, no wonder everyone sings about it!

Sitting in a quite comfy lawn chair, sipping coffee reveling in the fact that I love someone.  I know, I know I had told him many times that I loved him, but now without a doubt I know that I actually and honestly love him.  With that fact firmly in mind, the chains of hurt and betrayal from my past boyfriend fell from my heart, and for the first time in many a long year my heart floated free in my chest without any thing weighing it down.  Dropping my head back on to the chair, breathing in the fresh clear morning air, feeling the breeze ruffle my hair, my heart was free, free of everything that had been weighing it down for so very long the feeling was just indescribably and utterly……. fabulous!

So, what do I want to do?  Do I move into Abby's as planned before yesterday's melt down?  Or….. wait?  Wait for…….. what? What is holding me back, is it to soon?  How could it not be to soon?  Let's get honest here, it's only been a week, a little shy of a week to be truthful.  It would allow things to mature along the way……. and tear Ben into pieces.  He loves being with each of us, and misses who ever he isn't with, how long can he deal with juggling the two of us?  Sighing out my anxiety, the answer was clear cut to me, I just didn't want to face it.  It was better to not move in yet, but damn it would be so easy to slip into life here.  Is that what is bothering me, how easy I slipped into their life?  But, it wasn't me that molded myself to fit into their lives, I just fit in some strange and slightly scary way, we all dovetail together perfectly.

Can three people be soul mates, ok how silly does that sound?  But wait a moment…… why is three being soul mates any odder than  two people being soul mates?  Is it just that all you hear about is two being soul mates?  I don't know!  All I do know, all that is clear to me is how I feel about Ben, and his feelings towards me.  So……. where does that leave me in the move in or stay put debate?  Ok yeah let's do the devil's advocate for a while…… I move in, and it doesn't work out….. and end up moving out with a broken heart.  I don't move in, and it falls apart, and I end up with a broken heart, but a place to live…. that will be filled with memories of Ben and me in happier days.

Yeah…… my problem is worry about getting my heart broken, ok that makes perfect sense, nothing wrong with that logic.  However my heart isn't safe with either scenario, no matter if I move in or not, my heart could still get hurt. Ok, ok so where does that leave me?  Take out the worry of a broken heart and what is left?  Taking the last sip of my coffee, I head to the house to fix up another cup.  Carrying my cup back to the patio I sit and go back to thinking.  Pulling the broken heart out of the equation, everything else is equal actually.  Moving in won't change anything really, and staying in my apartment will only slow us melting three people into a couple, well ok a triplet. Is taking things slower a better way to build a relationship?  Or does it allow more misunderstandings to pile up?  Hmm, I think it could be argued both ways really.

And there I am back at the beginning of my questionings, what do I want to do?  What would make me happiest?  Because I am important in this question, my needs are just as relevant as Ben's or Abby's.  Sipping my coffee, looking around without seeing, my mind only fixed on fighting this very slippery question to the mat.  To soon or not, I want to move in.  Abby makes me feel so welcome, it's obvious that she loves me in some capacity, like my confused feelings for her.  If Ben ends up being the meat in our love sandwich, and that's the closest that Abby and I ever come to sex, am I ok with that?  Do I want to have sex with Abby?  Closing my eyes I run past my mind all the times I have been with her, and can't remember ever feeling my cock stir for her.  Could that change after spending more time with her?  Ya know, I don't really know…..

A barking dog brought me out of my musings, and back to the present, I need to just get a grip here and make a decision.  Do I want to make a decision based on past experiences, or do I jettison the past and take the plunge and move in?  Putting down my cup, I get up and actually look at the back yard.  Can I live here, and think of this as my place, or will I always think of this as Abby and Ben's?  Nah, I am sure that shortly this would begin to feel like my home also.  Well, I guess that my decision has been made, yeah?  I move in.  Do I spend today moving in, or wait until next weekend and just bring what I really need for this week?  Nah, I don't want to spend today moving in.  Ok, essentials it is then. I do need to wash my work clothing before work on Tuesday.  Well there I go, while they are at work on Monday, i can pack and move in.  That sounds like a workable plan to me.

Well?  What do I think, am I happy with my decision?  Yeah, yeah I am.  This seems to be the only way to play this hand, plunge in and see how it plays out.  All I know that I can't remember being this happy, ever!  I love Ben, and Abby?  Hmm, that is going to take some work to untangle those feelings.  Sister, umm nah, there is something more there than a sister.  Lover, ahh no that's not it either.  Platonic love…….. yeah I love her but at least in this point in time I'm not interested in making it physical. Do I feel the least bit bisexual?  No, not at all.  It could happen though gay guys fall in love with women and marry them.  But, it seems from what I have heard, there comes a point where they become unhappy in their marriage, denying an important part of who they are begins to take a toil on them.  Falling in love with Abby wouldn't carry that burden however, because I will have Ben by my side.  And if I do decide to dip my toe into the waters of heterosexuality, it could be an infrequent swim, not a full time lifestyle, but honestly, I don't really see myself going there.

I heard the patio door open, and there was my Ben, ruffled and still warm from bed, and looking oh so desirable.  Padding over to my chair, he squeezed in next to me, throwing his legs over mine as I pulled him up tight against me.

"How long have you been up?"

"Since about 7."

"Umm.  Didn't you sleep well?"

"Yeah I did.  Guess I just ran out of tired.  Ya want a sip of my coffee?"

"Sure, even if you hide it with all that sugar and milk."

We sat in companionable silence, sharing my coffee, and the comfort of physical closeness.

"Derrick?"

"Yeah."

"You ok?"

"Oh yeah, better than I have been in a really long long time.  And ya know what?"

"What?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking this morning and made a lot of decisions, and one really important one."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"You going to tell me, or is that all I get told?"

"Ok, pushy fella I'll tell ya.  I love you."

Ben started chuckling at that, his eyes twinkling saying, "I think you might have told me that a time or two already."

"No, you don't understand what I am trying to tell you.  I now know without any doubts that I do love you.  And."

"And?  You can't stop there.  And what?"

"And I have decided to move in.  It's silly to worry about all the what ifs, I'm ready to begin living for the first time in a really long time."

"Ok, I have a question for you."

"Yeah?"

"When I tell you I love you, do you believe me?"

"Oh hell yeah.  No doubt about that."

"Good!  Because I really do love you.  Did you mean it about moving in?"

"I did."

"When?"

"Tomorrow.  I don't want to waste today moving my stuff."

"Sounds good.  Know what sounds better?"

"Hmm?"

Ben leaned over and whispered, "Kisses."  And then proceeded to demonstrate just how much better kissing was than talking.  His kisses had wandered from my lips to that shivery place behind my ear, causing thoughts of lips warm and wet causing shivers elsewhere.  Ben must have been thinking the same thing as me because he pulled his lips from mine only far enough away to whisper, "Should we go inside?"

"…..oh yeah."

Quietly shutting the guest room door behind him, Ben said, "I want you inside me."

Before I could get my mouth open he opened the nightstand draw showing me the box of condoms and lube, causing me to loose all interest in talking.

Abby slowly awakened, stretching in delight of being able to sleep as long as she wanted, not as long as the clock wanted her to sleep.  Luxuriating in the bliss of just enjoying being warm and relaxed, without any reason to hurry anywhere.  As she laid there comfy and happy, a sound caught her attention, and again came the sound.  Trying to figure out what she was hearing, she actively began to listen, and slowly she realized what she was hearing, Ben and Derrick were having sex.  Getting up, she quietly opened the door, and tip toed to the door of the guest room, listening to the sounds Ben and Derrick we making.  Knowing she was wrong, but almost unable to stop herself, she slowly turned the doorknob and cracked the door open.  Peering in the crack through the barely opened door, Abby watched with a mixture of shock, dismay and arousal.  Shock because while she knew what men together, it was more as an abstract knowledge, but to actually see it, and see her Ben in that position was an awakening.  Dismay due to the fact he never made those noises with her!  He seemed to be enjoying sex much more with Derrick than he ever did with her.  Watching the muscles along Derrick's back flex and bunch as he thrust into Ben, the movement of his ass as he worked in and out of Ben, started arousing her.  Backing slowly away from the door, she retreated back to the bedroom.

Sitting down on the bed, pulling the covers up over her lap Abby sat and thought over what she had just seen.  Did it bother her?  No, not really, just more of a shock really. From the sounds Ben was making it was very obvious how much he was enjoying it.  He sounded……. happy?  Was that even possible to sound happy making love?  She guess it was, if the noises Ben was making meant anything.  Sitting there pondering over this past week, pieces of the puzzle started slotting into place.  Ben did love her, but she couldn't fill all of his needs, either physically or emotionally.  As much as that idea stung and burned, she knew it wasn't anything lacking in her, rather it was Ben had more needs that any one sex could fulfill.  The sudden dawning of how hard the last five years must have been for Ben washed over her.  We have to figure how to make this work for all of us.  All of our happiness hinges on if we can reinvent our marriage, into something that allows all three of us to be happy.

Ben stood in the guest bedroom, toweling his hair saying, "Let's change the sheets and run them through the washer, ok?"

"Yeah, I was wondering about that."

"I got kinda noisy, didn't I?  I really did try to keep it down."

"Do you think Abby will be mad?"

"Well, she shouldn't be, but this is still weird for all of us."

"Yeah.  Where do you keep the sheets?"

"In the hall linen cupboard.  The sheets that fit this bed are blue or grey."

"Umm, Ben?"

The sound in Derrick's voice made me snap into total focus, "What's wrong?"

"I know you shut the door, but it's open now."

"Oh gods!  She saw us?  I don't know if she was ready for that yet."

"What do you think she'll do now?"

"I don't have a clue."  Sighing and now well worried Ben pulled on his boxers and tee-shirt saying, "Let me go talk to her."

"No!"

"No? No what?"

"It should be both of us, not just you."

"Are you sure?  It could get ugly."

"Yes, I'm sure.  If we are going to be a triplet, then we need to work through things together.  Not just you and Abby.  Not just you and me.  But all three of us, yeah?"

"Yeah."

I really didn't know what to expect when I opened up our bedroom door.  Derrick stood to the side of the doorway to preserve Abby's privacy if she was getting dressed.  Abby was sitting on the bed reading a magazine while picking the tangles out of her freshly washed hair.

"Hey good morning Ben.  Is Derrick still here?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Morning honey.  Did ya sleep well?"  I was quaking with fear, but on the surface Abby seemed serene.

"Oh, ever so good.  How about you guys?"

"Yeah.  I slept really well Abby."  Derrick's voice sounded strained.

"Super.  Hey guys?  I'm not upset at all about you two having sex, ok?  Really."

I walked over the bed and sat down beside Abby.  Looking at her this closely, I still couldn't see where she was the least bit upset.  Pulling in a huge breath, deciding to just be all kinds of brave and get this out in the open as soon as possible, I motioned to Derrick to have a seat on the bed also saying, "Abby, umm we know you saw us.  Are you ok with everything?"

"It took a bit for me to work through it all, but yeah I'm fine.  Honestly.  Ok?"

Taking Abby's chin in my hand, I tilted her face up to look in her eyes, "Are you honestly ok with everything, really?"

"Yes, I'm better than fine.  Actually to tell you two the truth, I understand Ben so much better now that before.  I will do everything in my power to make this work.  And I mean it."

Trying to piece together her seeing us have sex and understanding me better made my head hurt.  How on earth does that even make any sense?  I couldn't figure it out at all.  So, being the rather lazy guy I can be I just decided to ask her, "Honey?  You are so going to have to explain yourself because I for one am lost.  How about you Derrick?"

We both turned to look at Derrick, who had a far away look on his face.  He was working on something that was clear as day, but what?

"I understand, at least I think I do.  Umm, not to be to crude about it, but you always saw Ben doing to me what he does to you, right?"

"Umm, yeah I did."

"But seeing him in the same position as you bothered you, didn't it?"

"It did.  I mean it was obvious that someone would have to be…. I mean to ahh………."

"Bottom?  Receiver?  Catcher?  Which word is more comfortable for us to use?"

Abby turned bright red and in a fairly quiet voice said, "Bottom is the only word I have heard used for…… ahh that."

"How about we use receiver, ok?  Yes, someone is going to have to receive if we have penetrative sex.  And it's not always Ben who is the receiver.  We both enjoy receiving, Ben just slightly more.  Are you ok thinking of Ben that way?"

"Ye…ah.  It just really surprised me at first.  But then after I thought about why he would….. um want to ahh receive, it made sense to me, it's something that he can't get from me and needs."

Derrick pulled Abby into a hug, and kissed the top of her head. "Yes, that is something he can't get from you, it's very true.  There are things he can't get from me, ya know?"

Abby sighed and relaxed into Derrick's chest, "I had finally figured it all out, before you came in here.  It's ok, just well, tis rather surprising."

"I bet it was."

Abby pulled from Derrick's arms and turned slightly to see me better, she kissed me gently and very softly asked, "Ben?"

"Yes honey.  What do you want to tell me?"

"I finally understand what you have been trying to tell me this past week.  And I did try to understand you, I really did!  The idea was just so new to me, that I just couldn't wrap my head around it.  But seeing you with Derrick finally made things click into place for me.  I get it now, and I am fine with it, really."

"Are you sure about that honey?"

"……. I am. It's all new and a whole different way of thinking for me, but yeah I'm ok with it.  Now I have a question for the both of you."

"What do you want to ask?"

"Well two things really.  Will you please move in with us?  And can we still go clothes shopping for you?"

"Yes I'm moving in, tomorrow. How about we stop somewhere and get some brunch, anyone else hungry?  And yes to clothes shopping."

Abby and I giggled about Derrick being hungry.  When wasn't he hungry?

Unable to get enough of each other, Derrick and I reached again and again for each other, until ultimately exhaustion won and we slipped into sleep nestled tightly together.  Some unknown time later, I pulled slowly, reluctantly awake.  Drifting between wakefulness and sleep, trying to figure out what woke me up.  It felt so good to be cuddled between Abby and Derrick…… Abby!!

Coming awake instantly, and quickly rolling over, to see Abby sound asleep on her stomach.  What on earth was Abby doing here?

"Abby!  Abby!  Wake up!" I hissed at her trying not to wake Derrick.

Groggily Abby smiled up at me, "……oh hi honey……sleepy…"

I saw that she was drifting back into sleep again.  Shaking her lightly, "Abby! Wake up!"

Blinking at me, getting yet another dopy smile from her, "Shh!  You'll wake Derrick!  Go back to sleep."

At that point I just gave up.  Things I'm sure would get cleared up in the morning, and besides  I was so sleepy.  Nestling down between them both, I drifted back to sleep.

Drifting in the warm and liquid place between sleep and wakefulness, aware of Derrick's warm body next to mine, the soft pillow under my head, and a languid feeling of contentment.  Washing into a slightly more alert place, last nights sex came flowing thru my mind.  No, that's not right, not cold and heartless sex, it was lovemaking.  We made love to each other, I cared only for his enjoyment, his feelings, feeding only his desires.  My only desire was to please him, to pleasure him, trying so hard to put my love for him into a physical language rather than tricky words.

Remembering Abby suddenly, I quickly rolled over, expecting to see her peacefully sleeping, but she wasn't there.  Getting up, I roamed around the apartment looking for her.  Opening the curtains, searching for her car in our slot, no not there either.  Throughly confused I went back to bed, and cuddled up against Derrick, and went over what little I remembered about this morning.  After spending many minutes pulling ideas around in my head, I did the only thing that to me made any sense, I smelled the extra pillow and bed for her distinctive scent.  As I was trying to catch a hint of her scent, Derrick woke up, giving me a puzzled look. Quickly explaining why I was smelling the bedding, he started to chuckle.

"You were dreaming plain and simple.  Yesterday when you woke up cuddled in-between us was the happiest you have been in a very long time, right?"

"Oh yeah, best night sleep since I don't remember when.  Waking up was…. heavenly."

"Well guess what?  I enjoyed it too.  Umm, Ben I need to talk to you about something, ok?"

Now he had my full attention!  Scooting around to get a better look at him, he shook his head and rolled my back against his chest, pulling me tightly against him.

"This will be easier to talk about if you can't look at me.  I think, um that I'm falling in love with Abby.  And honestly, I couldn't be more confused."

"Derrick? That's what I want, is for you to love her, and for her to love you."

"Ah, ok.  You aren't jealous?"

"No, not at all.  Besides how hypercritical would that make me?"

"Yeah, but still.  Saying something is easier than seeing it."

"You're right, it's easy to talk about ideas, but harder to live them.  Oh!  What are you confused about?"

"My feelings towards Abby.  I don't understand them at all."

"Huh?  I'm lost here, what do you mean?"

"I know that I love her, just not yet how I love her."

"Oh!  I see now, ok.  You don't know if you love her like a sister or a lover, right?"

"Yeah."

"Don't let it worry you.  S'all good."

"You're right, since I've met you, it's all been good."

After a quick shower and breakfast, I started assembling his old flattened moving boxes for Derrick to fill.  Quickly finishing up the kitchen, we moved onto the living room.  As I was packing his XboX, games and controllers into boxes, Derrick was taking apart his computer system carefully putting them back into the original boxes.

"What should I do with the computer desk?  Is there room for it?  Or should I just sell everything and buy a lap top?"

"Well, there's room enough in the office for your desk, or it could go in the guest bedroom.  It's up to you."

"Ok.  I'll put it in the office then.  Will it be ok with Abby?"

"Like she cares, it's my office.  She has a lap top and mostly uses it in the living room."

When Derrick didn't answer me, I looked up at him.  He had not only fallen quiet, he had stopped packing and was just standing there with a vacant look in his eyes.  Concerned I called out to him, "Derrick? Are you ok?"

A lost and bewildered gaze met mine, "What am I doing?  Oh, what in the hell was I thinking?"  Derrick stumbled back and collapsed into his desk chair, leaning over with his head in his hands.  "What have I done?"

Quickly moving to Derrick's side, I knelt beside him, gently stroking his back.  "Talk to me baby, please!  What happened?"

Without moving his head from his hands he answered me, " We have known each other a week, only a week!  And I am packing up and moving in with you?  Does that even sound reasonable to you?  That's not even the half of it, I'm moving in with a guy that is married!  Married!  What is wrong with me?  I can't do this!  I just can't!  It's just to soon!  Oh shit, what am I doing?"

His shoulders started shaking, and I knew he had begun to cry.  Moving around in front of him, I pushed in between his legs, and forced his head up and onto my shoulder. Throwing his arms around me tightly, he hung on as his tears wracked his body, his grief completely overwhelming him.  I hugged him tight against me, rubbing his back, and rocking him back and forth, making those nonsensical noises we all make when trying to comfort someone.  Slowly, in fits and stalls, his tears ran their course and began to run dry.  As his tears began to slow he gripped me in his arms even tighter, as if I was the only thing in the world to keep him from being blown away to parts unknown.  I increased the pressure of my arms as well, holding him as tightly as he was holding me, hoping to make him feel secure and safe.

"Baby? You don't have to move in with us today, ok?  We can take this as slowly as you need.   I never should have pushed you so hard, that was me being inconsiderate, and I'm very very sorry.  I just love you so much, that I never really stopped to think of you.  That sounds ridiculous, but I didn't want to take the chance of losing you, and by pushing you to fast I almost did.  Will you forgive me, please?"

"You haven't lost me, I do still love you.  I just really need to slow things down, ok?  I need some space to get my bearings, to figure things out.  The last relationship almost broke me, I…..I just need some time, do you understand?  And there is nothing to forgive, you did nothing wrong."

I don't know how long we stayed clinched together, holding on to each other as if we were afraid of what would happen if we let go.  Finally the pain in my knees reached a point where I couldn't ignore it any longer.

Murmuring against Derrick's thick black hair, "Baby, I need to move, my knees are killing me.  Come on, let's go cuddle on the sofa, ok?"

"……ok."

Climbing stiffly to my feet, my knees screaming at me, I lead Derrick to the sofa and into my arms again.  Cuddled up tight against each other, a calm silence fell over us, a warm embracing quiet that reassured us both.  Only the fading daylight and tummy rumblings told us that hours had passed while we cuddled and lightly kissed each other.  Not with lust or sex in mind, but more so to show love and acceptance and care for each other.

"I think we both need to eat, huh?"  After a particularly loud rumble echoed around my insides.  "How about we call Abby, and have her meet us somewhere?"

"That sounds wonderful, both to Abby and dinner.  How come she hasn't called today?"

"I don't know, now there's a good question.  Let's call her."

Shifting around until my fingers could grab my phone from my pocket, I flipped it open, and dialed.  It rang a few times, before a breathless Abby answered.

"Ben!  Sorry I haven't called today.  Mom called me and needed some help, and before I knew it the day was almost gone!  I just got back to the house and was surprised at the lack of boxes.  What's going on?"

"Long story, and we would rather tell you in person.  Are you hungry?"

"Starved!  What sounds good to you to boys?"

"I don't know, let me ask Derrick what he wants."

"Umm, someplace very casual with huge portions!"  A hint of his usually happy self, peeked out with a small grin.

"Ok honey, how about either the Shrimp Shack or Chena Pizza?", I asked Abby.

"Ah!  Now how am I to choose between fried shrimp and pizza?"

"Ok, I've got a great idea.  You swing by the video store and pick up some movies and then head on over to the Shrimp Shack and  load up on shrimp, fish and salads, we will swing by and grab pizza and beer, and ice cream.  We will snuggle and eat and watch videos and discuss our day.  Sound like a plan there wife?"

"Awesome!  Is there anything bottomless pit won't eat?  What kind of movies should I get?"

"So, Mr. Bottomless Pit, is there anything at the Shrimp Shack you won't eat?"

"I've never been there, but I do like most fish, especially fried!"

"Ok, a fellow barbarian!"  Which got him a quick kiss on his nose.  "Any ideas on what kind of movies you would like to watch?"

"Not really, just something happy, nothing sad, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, he will eat anything as long as it's breaded and fried, and we both need happy movies, nothing sad.  Sound good?"

"Super!  See ya soon!"

"Love ya wife of my heart."

"I love you too. Bye bye"

"Bye!"

While Derrick ordered the pizzas I started unpacking.  We had enough time to get almost everything unpacked and back where it belonged before it was time to go pick up the pizzas, and the beer. A quick discussion in the ice cream aisle, led to two flavors and many toppings and even a package of ice cream cones.

As we entered the house, Derrick called out, "Honey!!  We're home!"

"Good!  I'm starved!  What kind of pizza did you bring?"

"One with sausage, black olives, onions and peppers, one meat lovers, and one chicken mushroom spinach, just for you!"

"Yay!!  My favorite!"

"So, what goodies did you get wife?"

"Ohh, I picked up the barbarian special!"  Abby giggled saying, "Fried shrimp, fried catfish, fried halibut, cole slaw, corn on the cob and green beans."

 Ben looked at both Abby and Derrick and asked, "How about we relax in the living room and eat while we watch movies?"

"Sounds perfect!  What about you Derrick?  Wanna cuddle on the sofa and watch videos and eat?"

"Yes to cuddling, yes to eating, and what was the other thing you mentioned?"

Gales of laughter followed them into the kitchen where the ice cream was put away and plates and a forks and piles of napkins were grabbed.

As Derrick was pulling the beer out of the cartons and stowing most of it in the fridge he asked, "Abby? Do you want a beer?"

"Yeah, nothing is better with pizza than beer."

"Ok!"

Sitting all snuggly close on the sofa eating and laughing at the very funny comedies Abby had brought home was pure heaven, and as soothing as a balm on our earlier emotional day.  Between movies Derrick took a load of plates to the kitchen on his way to the bathroom.

Abby hearing the bathroom door shut turned quickly to me, "Ben? Why are there no boxes?  It looked like Derrick had been crying earlier?  What's going on?"

Quickly filling her in on Derrick's break down, Abby's face registered shock and pity for his hurt and battered heart and soul.  Just when Abby opened her mouth to say something, we heard the bathroom door open so the topic was stored until later on.  Derrick came back to the living room yawning, and plopped down on the sofa snuggled between Abby and me.  Within minutes I saw the times between blinks become longer and longer, until his head found my shoulder.

"Come on baby, let's go to bed, ok?"

"………..m'kay…… kinda tired."

Abby and I grinned at each other at him saying he was only kinda tired.  Quickly putting the leftovers away, and leaving the dishes for tomorrow we followed Derrick to bed.  He was already on his side of the bed sound asleep.  I brushed my teeth and was in the act of pulling on clean boxers when the question of what Derrick was wearing occurred to me.  I saw his clothing folded on the chair and his boxers were on top of the pile.  Carefully lifting the covers and peering underneath I saw that yuppers he was naked.  Well that will make for some interesting entertainment in the morning when he awakens and finds he is naked with Abby in the room!  Feeling rather daring and devilish, I pulled off my boxers and folded them up placing them back in their drawer, quickly getting into bed before Abby got finished in the bathroom.

Abby came out of the bathroom wearing her peach pj's which really made her dark hair gleam with reflected highlights, she is such a pretty woman, why she ever picked me to fall in love with is beyond me.  Turning out the bathroom lights, and pulling the door partially shut to keep the glow of the nightlight from shining in our eyes, she padded to the bed and pulled the covers back and pulled off her bracelets and earrings, and then slid into bed, snuggling into my chest.  Just as Abby finished wiggling around and getting comfortable, Derrick heaved a large sigh and rolled up against my back, his soft cock nestling against my ass, throwing his arm over both Abby and me.  Breathing a sigh of contentment, I quickly drifted off to sleep.