Life on a Printed Plane

I woke up with Ben cuddled up against me, kissing me lightly.  Umm, what a wonderful way to wake up!  But, all to soon it was time to get up and leave the warm bed, and my so sweet hubby. I was washing my hair when our conversation from last night came roaring back into my mind.  And the thought of having to tell my mom about our new living arrangement, made me sick to my stomach.  Would she ever speak to me again?  Will she hate Ben now?  This was so not going to be a good day…..

Ben kept giving me funny looks while he was shaving, and I was blow drying my hair.  While we were getting dressed he asked me, "Baby?  Are you ok?  You're awful pale this morning."

"I'm worried about what's going to happen tonight.  How are you so calm?"

"I think I'm frozen with fear if you want the truth.  Every time I would get close to dropping off to sleep last night, the fear of what I have to do tonight would jerk me back awake."

"Do you think it's going to go ok?  Will mom still love me after we tell her?"  I was standing next to the bed getting dressed.  Every thing I pulled out of the closet felt wrong and looked even worse.  Sigh, I might as well just wear anything, because nothing is going to be ok today.

Grabbing me around the waist Ben pulled me onto his lap saying, "You are still the same girl she has known her entire life.  It's me that has to tell her I''m not the guy she thought I was.  I think it will be a huge shock for her.  But she will still love you, on that I can promise."

"But…..I… I let you do this.  That's how she will see it any way."

"Look at me sweetie, ok?"  I tilted her head up so that she was looking at me and not the floor.  Tears were filling her eyes and as I watched they spilled over, I did this to her!  I'm causing her heart to break again!  What an monumental ass I am.  Hopefully I'll get this right whispering to her, "I won't let you take one little breath of blame for this ok?  She can be as mad at me as she wishes, but you?  I won't allow that, understand?"

Abby nodded at me, her lip was trembling and she wrapped her arms around me and held me so tightly, crying now in ernest.  I held her against me, rubbing her back.  Fuck!  Why didn't I just deal with it?  Why did I do this to Abby?  If it's the last thing I'll do, some how I will make this right.  I don't know how, but I will.  And at that an idea sprang into my mind, a plan of attack that might work.

Sniffling and rubbing her eyes she staggered up from my lap to go and blow her nose and wash her face.  Breakfast was a very subdued meal.  I toasted some waffles, and nuked some bacon.  Abby nibbled on things, but really didn't eat much.  She took her waffles in a bag with her.  How that girl can eat waffles without syrup is beyond me!  Strange little thing she can be at times.  As soon as I was in the car, I called the office telling them I needed a personal day, my boss wasn't to happy, but, he'll get over it.  Obligations met, I headed to Irene's.  Big breath in!

I felt kinda weird standing on the porch at 8 in the morning, in my work clothes at that, but this is something that has to be done.  Waiting on the porch for Irene to open the door to Abby's childhood home my stomach knotted up an acid flavor invaded my mouth.  Oh, gods don't let me vomit!  I heard steps in the hall, and then the door swung open, and there was Abby's mom.

"Ben!  What are you doing here?  Is Abby ok?"  Worry clouded her face, her eyes searched mine looking for the answer she was dreading.

"Abby's fine.  She's at work.  I need to talk to you.  May I please come in?"

"Sorry!  Where's my manners today?  Come in Ben."

Irene led me back to the sunroom, a pleasant room that Bob had added onto the house only a year or so before he died. Tile floors, white wicker furniture, and pots of flowers everywhere.

"Coffee?"  Irene offered.

My stomach was barely holding on as it was, the thought of swallowing anything was distasteful to say the least.  Shaking my head no.  Irene really looked at me for the first time, after the fear passed concerning Abby, her usual laser beam gaze returned.  I felt like her eyes were ferreting out all my secrets, there was no reason to even open my mouth she would know all just by looking at me.

Still with her gaze leveled on me she said, "Ok, what have you done?  That has to be the guiltiest look I've ever seen."

With my eyes glued firmly to my shoes, I drew a shaky and ragged breath and slowly started talking, "Did Abby ever tell you I'm bisexual?"  I waited for a response, and when none came, I sneaked a peek up at Irene, who was sitting stock still, almost frozen, with a sinking heart I continued, "See here's the thing, I umm wanted a divorce.  I didn't want to hurt Abby, so I was going to let her go find someone better.  A guy who would appreciate her, and treat her as she deserves.  I let her talk me into staying, and now I'm afraid that my cowardice is going to hurt her.  That you will think less of her, and that's something I just can't do.  She has to be the sweetest, kindest person I have ever had the privilege of knowing.  If you get mad, please only at me, and not Abby."

Irene cleared her throat, and in a rather icy voice said, "Continue your story boy."

At those words, I almost lost my hold over my stomach and fought for a moment before regaining some kind of composure.  In a much quieter voice I hurriedly started talking, "I've met someone, and we have fallen in love.  I still love Abby with all my heart and soul, but………"  How on earth can I sit here and tell my wife's mother that I need both sexes in my life?  My own parents won't have anything to do with me after they caught me in bed with my boyfriend when I was 18.  I see no way of making this right, but I was damned if I was going to make Abby the bad guy in this.  I have to make her see that Abby is the innocent victim in all of this.

Steeling my resolve I continued, "Look it's like this"  and at that I raised my head, and looked Irene right in the eye, "I love Abby, and the angel that she is wants me to be happy.  I now have a boyfriend, and he has moved into the house with us.  We consider ourselves a triplet now, not a couple.  And just to cut your question off before you can ask it, no Abby doesn't have sex with Derrick.  Sexually we are two couples, Abby and myself, and Derrick and myself.  Abby loves Derrick, only in a brotherly sort of way.  Derrick thinks the world of Abby, and has fallen in love with her as the sister he always wanted and never had."

"So, what you are telling me is that you are living with your boyfriend in my daughters house?  She has to lay there at night alone while you two are down the hallway doing things I don't even want to think about.  The very thought of it makes my stomach curdle."

"First of all, we all sleep together.  And yes, I do have sex in the house with Derrick, but we try to be desecrate, and usually only when Abby is gone, or asleep."

"Why are you stringing her along?  If you don't want her, leave!"

"Don't want her?  Of course I still want her.  Abby is……my heart, my soul!  If it's any business of yours Abby and I still enjoy having sex."

"If my daughter is your heart and soul, as you claim, then why do you need a 'boyfriend'?"  The venom in her tone when she said the word boyfriend was crystal clear.

"Do you even understand what the term bisexual means?"

"Yes, it means your afraid of admitting your a homosexual."

Sighing loudly and shaking my head no I said, "No, no it doesn't.  I'll admit some men hide behind the label of bisexual when they are gay.  Not me.  I love women and men equally, and to be happiest, I need both in my life.  The love I feel for your daughter allowed me to push those feelings aside for several years, but they never went completely away."

"I still say you are nothing more than a homosexual."

"So, what if I were a homosexual?  I would be a homosexual that loves your daughter more than I can put into words."

"I want you and your dirty little boyfriend out of my daughter's house today!"

"It happens to be my house too, you don't have any control over how we live our lives.  If Abby is happy with this arrangement, then you are just going to have to get used to it."  It was all I could do not to lash out and scream at her.  "Oh, and for your information, Derrick is not a dirty little anything!"

"We will see about that, won't we?"  Picking up the cordless phone Irene started punching the keys.  Oh my gods, she was going to bother Abby at work!  No!  I jumped up and jerked the phone from her hand, pushing the end button as I did.

"There is no way I'm going to let you upset Abby at work!  You leave her alone."  The menace in my voice must have been clear as Irene looked rather shocked.  "If you want to talk to her about this, you will do so when she's not at work."  I swung my arm to punctuate my words, and Irene flinched away from me.

"Go ahead and hit me!  You want to, I can see it in your eyes!"   Fuck! This was spinning out of control.  Hit Irene?  I've haven't hit anyone since 8th grade!  The idea of hitting a woman was totally repugnant to me.  I took a few steps away from Irene, and turned my back to her, trying to calm down, needing Irene to calm the hellz down too.  Taking a big breath in, trying to get my roiling emotions under some sort of control.  I turned around to see how Irene was doing, when she slapped me hard across the face.  And before I could actually even process that she had hit me, she did it again, and again. Finally coming to my senses as she pulled her hand back to strike me again, I caught her wrist and stopped her.

"You will not hit me again Irene, do you understand?  Abby went into this of her own free will.  I tried to leave her, but she didn't want that.  She said she would rather share me, than to not have me at all."

"How dare you!  You stand there telling me that Abby, my daughter would choose this sordid lifestyle?  I wasn't born yesterday, I know my daughter well enough to know she wouldn't live in this degraded manner if you hadn't of forced her into it.  You have some sort of hold on her, and you better believe that I will do everything in my power to break her loose from you."

"The only hold I have on Abby, is that I love her."

Irene looked at me with a sneer on her face, that twisted her pretty features into ugliness, "If you loved my daughter, there is no way you could treat her this way, and you know it to be the truth.  I want you to leave my house now.  And I don't ever want to see you in this house again.  Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I do understand, you are going to loose this battle.  If you keep this up, Abby will pull away from you.  Can you live with that?"

"If she does, it will be your fault.  Now get out of my house!"

Driving away from the house a stone laid heavy in my stomach, my actions are causing Abby to choose between her mother and me.  I had hoped that by going to see her alone, I could talk some sense into her, but had that proved to be a false hope.  Do I go to work, or just go home?  Home, home, home, I just want to go home.  Fuck!  I should call Abby!  Punching in her number, one ring, two rings, three….. voice mail.  Ohh shit!  She is either on the phone to her mom now, or busy at work and she has her phone off….. I'm going to her office and see if I can salvage anything after this morning left ashes and a burnt bridge of what had been a good relationship between Irene and myself.  I found a parking spot fairly close to Abby's office and had just finished feeding the meter, stepping up on the curb, when a woman's back caught my eye.  Something about her seemed familiar…..  As she slowed to stop and dig around in her purse she slightly turned giving me a clear view of her face, my world whirled around me, leaving me disoriented.  It was my brother's wife!  I hadn't seen her for how many years had it been now?  Seven?  No, oh gods it was almost nine years now…..  When had Alex and Nicki  moved here?  What a fucked up kind of day this was turning out to be.  What the hell, I don't think things could be made any worse than they already are, I'm going to say hi.

"Nicki?  It's Ben, Ben Parker."  The woman in front of me stopped digging in her purse at the sound of my voice and at first a look of confusion and then recognition bloomed across her face, followed by a giant smile.

"Ben?  Oh, my gods, it is you!  How have you been?"  She surprised me by grabbing me up into a huge hug, and planting a kiss on my cheek.  She pushed away from me slightly, and then pulled me to her again, for an even larger hug, and this time hung on like I was going to vanish if she let go.  "What are you doing here?  Do you live here too?"

"Yeah, I moved here when I went to college, and just never moved away from Centralis.  How long have you and Alex lived here?"

"You went to college?  Really?  I didn't know.  We moved here last year.  Can we go somewhere and catch up?"

"I would love to, only I need to stop and talk to my wife for a few minutes first.  There is a cafe on the corner, I'll meet you there in a few, ok?"

"Married?  You're married?  To a woman?  But I thought you were gay!"  Sigh what a day I'm having…..

"Yes, I'm married to a woman, and no, I'm not gay, I'm bi.  Look, I'm kinda in a hurry, do you want to meet at the cafe or not?"

"Sure, sure I'll go wait at the cafe.  Oh, it's so nice to see you again!"  Having said that she patted my shoulder before heading off towards the cafe.  As I sprinted to Abby's office building.  Waiting for the elevator, then the slow crawl up the building as we stopped at each and every damned floor, by the time I arrived at Abby's floor I was about to explode.  Praying that Abby was alone in her office as I maneuvered thru the cubicle farm in the middle of the large open area, seeing her door open, I gave one last spurt of hope she was in and not busy, I stuck my head around the doorway.  Sigh, and she was there, focused on the monitor, fingers furiously typing away.

"Abby?"  At the sound of my voice Abby's head shot up with a look of happiness at seeing me.

"Ben! What are you doing here?  It's ages till lunch."  She must have seen something in my face, because her face sobered quickly, "What's wrong?"

I stepped fully into her office and shut the door.  Falling into the chair in front of her desk, I cleared my to dry throat and said, "I went to talk to your mom this morning, and let's just say it didn't go well at all."

At first Abby looked sad, and then she made a funny sound, and got up and came around the desk.  She tilted my face upwards, and lightly ran her finger tips over the side of my face.  It must have hurt more than I realized because she hit one spot that caused me to flinch.  The look in her eyes went from sadness to one of anger.

"Did my mother slap you?"

"Um, yeah a few times actually before I stopped her."

"What in the hell was she thinking?  Wow, she must have been really mad to have hit you.  It didn't go well at all did it?"

"No, that would be an understatement.  She wants me and my dirty little boyfriend to move out of your house tonight."

"Wait, she called Derrick a dirty little boyfriend?  She called my Derrick dirty?  How dare she? That's it!  Mother and I are going to have a little talk tonight.  She will not be pleased at all how this is going to go.  Hitting my husband, saying horrible things about Derrick, calling it my house…..ohhh she is going to get it from me!  How I want to live my life is my decision.  I'm not her little girl any longer, she can't tell me what to do."

"On a different note, you'll never know who I bumped into on the sidewalk by your office?"

"Who?"

"Nicki, Alex's wife."

"Who is Alex?"

"My brother."

"Oh!  You're kidding me!  Whoa!  Don't just sit there give me all the info."

"I really don't know much except that they have lived here around a year.  She seemed very happy to see me."

"What are you going to do about………them?"

"…um I told her to meet me at the cafe.  I'm not allowing for anything more until I see how the wind blows."

"You go and see what's up with them, call me and let me know, ok?"

"Abby?  Are you mad at me for going and talking to your mom alone?"

"At you?  Not one bit.  At her?  Hellz yeah, she has a lot of explaining to do.  And you can better believe that I'll not be taking her calls today.  Now you get going and talk to NIcki, and you be sure to call me asap as soon as you find out anything, yeah?"

"Yeah, will do boss!  Did I tell you how much I love you?"

"Oh a time or two, but not in the last few hours.  So, time for you to catch up buddy!"

I stood up and wrapped my arms around her, and kissed her lightly and then whispered to her, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Shut up and kiss me.  Did any one ever tell you that you talk to much?"  But, of course I couldn't answer her, as I was to busy doing as I was told.  Just about the time things were taking an interesting turn Abby's office door swung open. Abby and I broke our kiss and turned to look at the smirking face of one of her co-workers.  "I think you had better go.  Remember where we left off, ok?"

"I'll be ready whenever you are."  Abby giggled at the look on the woman in the doorway, and lightly pushed me away from her.  "See ya later honey."  I quickly kissed her cheek and winked at her co-worker as I passed by her and out the door.

Whew!  Abby wasn't mad at me, and was angry at her mom. I wonder if Irene would ever change her mind about our "sordid" lifestyle?  I knew it would be a hard sell, but I honestly thought it would go better than that!  She seemingly liked her lesbian neighbors……. but then again, it wasn't HER daughter living that way either.  Well, maybe her attitude will change after Abby has her chance to battle her prejudices.  And now on to see if attitudes had changed in the Parker world.  I stood and looked around for a while before I found Nicki, she was sitting at the back of the restaurant, in a corner booth.  Heading her way, I heaved a breath hoping against hope that the views of my family had softened.  But then what?  Would I want them back into my life?  I mean, they did throw me away?  Didn't even come to my high school graduation.  Came home from the ceremony to a note on my bed telling me to move out by the end of the week as i wasn't welcome in their house any longer.  They weren't even there to see me be awarded a full ride scholarship……what a shitty kind of day this was turning out to be.  I hadn't thought of that in years.

"Hi.  I was wondering if you were going to blow me off."

I slid into the booth opposite of Nicki and gave her a shrug, "Sorry, I needed to talk to Abby about something important."  This was her game, and I am going to make her do most of the work.  I know that's not very fair, but ask me if I care.  They could have found me if they had looked, if they really wanted to, and since our meeting was accidental, they hadn't been looking that much was clear.

"I want to say this right off, to clear the air, ok?  What your parents did to you was terrible, they didn't even attend your graduation! Alex hated how they treated you, but he hates himself even more.  The fact that he didn't fight them, didn't try to help you at all, burns him with guilt.  And then his guilt got the better of him, and that prevented him from looking for you.  You are in his thoughts more than you would ever believe."

"Ok. I'll take your word for it.  Before we go any further, does my brother hate me for being gay?"

"But, I thought you said you were bi?"

"I am, I did.  But he said some harsh things to me, and I want to know if his view has changed regarding gays."

"Yes, yes he came to his senses a few years ago.  Why?"

This time I'm not going to crawl there is nothing for me to loose.  I haven't had a Parker in my life for almost nine years now, and if after this meeting I don't have any in my life, nothing has changed.  Status quo is maintained.

"I married Abby almost five years ago, and recently fell in love with a man, who is now living with us.  I consider myself to have both a wife and a husband."

The look on her face was certainly interesting.  I don't think I've ever seen a look that qualified to be called "nonplused" but this one sure did.  I just sat and let her work it out on her own.  The waitress came up and I ordered a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a glass of apple juice, while Nicki was working thru what I had told her.  Finally after sitting there more or less alone as she gave this a lot of thought, she shook her head and gave me a strange look.

"Ok. So let me get this straight.  You are bi, you live with your wife and with a man that you think of as your husband?"

"Yup.  You got it in one."

"And your wife is ok with all of this?"

"Of course."

"You're awful closed mouth, why?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it could be the fact that my brother called me some really horrible names.  It could be that he never attempted to find me.  It could be the fact that I don't feel the need to explain my life and how I live it to someone that for all intents and purpose is a stranger to me."

"You're right, I'm sorry.  How upset would you be if I told you that Alex is on his way?"

"Upset?  Pfft!  If he wants to be seen in public with a what did he call me again….oh I remember now, a perversion who was going to burn in hell for all of eternity, then it's fine with me."

"Ben?  Oh my god it is you!"  Before I had a chance to decide how I was feeling, he pulled me from the booth and my brother folded me into a bone crushing hug.  "Can you ever forgive me?  I was an ass the way I treated you.  I'll never be able to apologize enough for you to understand just how sorry I truly am."

"Unless you want the other diners here to think you are gay as well, you had better let go."

"I don't care, let them think what they will.  Oh, I have missed you!"  Alex must have finally noticed that I wasn't hugging him back.  He pulled away with a funny look on his face.  "Ben, aren't you glad to see me?"

"Nah, not really."

The look of pain that flowed from his face to lodge in his eyes was intense.  And that pain, I admit did cause me a twinge of guilt, but after the day I've had, ask me if I truly care.

Alex let go, and I sat back down on my side of the booth keeping my face as neutral as possible.  He slowly sank on the seat of the booth, and silence fell over the booth.  The waitress brought my soup and juice.  Thanking her I reminded her that my order was separate from whatever they ordered.  After shooing away the waitress, Alex just sat and looked at me while I calmly, outwardly at least, ate my soup and sipped my juice.

"I'm sorry, I was a stupid ignorant asshole for treating you that way.  And I let my guilt get in the way of finding out where you were.  Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"You're forgiven, feel better now? Your faggot brother just absolved you of your guilt.  And now you can go on with a light and free heart.  Need anything else from me before I go?"  My soup was almost finished, and while I ate the determination that if he wanted a relationship with me again, he was going to have to work at it.  Alex threw me away, not the other way around.

"Wait, you really meant it when you said you weren't glad to see me."

"Yes, I did mean it.  Even a faggot like me means what he says."

"Would you stop calling yourself that!"

"Oh, so it's ok for you to call me a faggot, but I can't refer to myself that way?  Whoa! Even after all these years you are telling me what to do."

"I'm sorry.  I know I don't deserve it, but could you at least sit here and talk to me, please?"

"Ok. I can spare a few minutes."

"Thank you."

"Ok, what do you want me to talk about, since you seem to be in charge of things.  Let's see….oh I was telling Nicki about my wife and husband.  We could talk about that."

'Your wife and husband?"

"Yes, if you would have allowed me to explain myself to you years ago, you would know that I'm bi, not gay, bi.  And so, in keeping with that, I have both a wife, and a husband."  Wouldn't you know it, just then my phone started warbling "Sweet Dreams"!  Perfect!  "Excuse me please, it's my husband."

"Hey honey!"

"Um, it's Rich.  Derrick is on his way to the hospital."

"What happened?"

"A piece of metal exploded and he got hit with tons of shrapnel.  He's ok, but he asked me to call you."

"Which hospital?"

"St. Mary's it's the nearest."

"Thanks."

I hurriedly hit end, and then quickly called Abby.

"Abby!  Derrick is on his way to the hospital.  Rich called, he is supposed to be ok, but I'm going over.  Sure, I'll pick you up on the way.  See ya in a few minutes."

I looked at my brother and his wife, "Hey I gotta go.  See ya around."  I got up and just walked away from them.  If I was truly important to him he would find me.