A New Path, Chapter 8, Feeding my Soul

Posted on 3:55 PM | By Biki Honko | In

On the drive home from Derrick's I couldn't stop crying.  What had I done?  Oh, God!  Will he ever forgive me?  All I want to do it to call him, or to turn this car around and go back and beg for him to forgive me.  But, he had made it very clear not to call him tonight.  What had I done?  What had I done?  What had I done?  These words kept swirling around and around and around in my head.  Pulling into the garage was a relief, the drive home had been a nightmare.  It had been so difficult to pay attention to the traffic, when the only thing my mind wanted to do was to dwell on us, or if there was even an us left....



Ripping off my work clothing, leaving it lay where it fell, I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans and a battered and ratty sweatshirt that I had 'borrowed' from Ben and never returned.  Curling up on the sofa, pulling a pillow to my chest, my tears had slowed earlier, but now that I had nothing to divert my attention, they returned with a vengeance.  Sobbing uncontrollably, choking on the tears clogging my throat, I knew that Ben was gone for good, for ever, and it wasn't anyones fault except for my own.  Jealously, and stupidity, no I have be honest with myself if with no one else, my jealously, my stupidity, and my fault completely.  I knew that Ben was not a one night stand kinda guy, and yet I pushed him out the door, knowing that he wouldn't ever hook up with someone unless he hooked up emotionally also.  At first it sounded like a way to keep my marriage intact, have Ben go out and get some man love, and then he would be fine living with only me again...... Even at that very moment of me pushing him into the shower, pulling him into clothing I had picked out, and then shoving him out the door, I wasn't being honest with either of us.  I told him it would be fine, no worries we would figure things out as they came.  But I had no intentions of sharing him, ever!

And then Ben had come home the next morning, I never thought that he would stay out all night, with a glow surrounding him.  At first glance, I chalked it up to just pure and simple sex, which drove me crazy with lust!  Hallway sex?  It was like we were horny teens again, fast furious and rough, which is a complete departure from my usual preference.  But then, at breakfast, as I listened to him talk about Derrick, it wasn't even so much his words, as his tone, body language and the soft look in his eye, that made me finally realize that Ben had fallen in love in one night.  And I felt my heart crack a little bit right then, and I spent that morning in a near panic attack, until Ben called me and calmed me down. I was prepared to not like Derrick, I was hoping if I could find enough flaws, it would stop this budding romance in the bud.  There was no way not to like Derrick!  Nothing, there was absolutely nothing about Derrick to dislike.  Baring his soul to me, to us, about something so personal and still painful, only on the strength of Ben telling him that is the only way to make this work!  When Derrick lifted his eyes to me, shimmering with tears, full of emotional pain, at that moment, that very moment, is when I let him into my heart.  I began to care for him at that moment, he is really hard not to love, such a sweet guy, but share Ben with him?  I think that is when the ugly beast of jealousy was born.  I mean really?  Derrick is the new toy, and I am very much the old toy, and new is always better, right?  Shit!  That doesn't even sound like Ben, that is me.  Me!  Oh what am I going to do?  Did I push my sweet Ben one step to far?  I can't ever remembering him even getting mad at me before this, much less yelling and cursing.

Sitting lost and forlorn on the sofa, knowing that my life had changed on the glimmer of a tear drop, I heard the sound of our front door being unlocked.  Jerking up from the cushions, wiping the tears from my face, which only served to smear tears and my runny nose across my cheeks, coming to my feet, turning around just in time to see Ben and Derrick come into the living room.  I flew across the room into Ben's arms, and it wasn't until he had gathered me to him, cradling me against him crooning in my ear, rocking me back and forth, that I began to believe that Ben did still love me.  Nestling in Ben's arms, I felt one of Ben's arms drop away from me, and then Derrick was behind me, hugging me from behind, his head rested against mine, on the opposite side from Ben's.

"Abby?  I am really sorry that you got hurt.  That was the last thing I wanted to happen.  Can you forgive me?  Please?" Derrick's voice was low and quiet in my ear.  He tightened his  arm around me, and lightly kissed my temple.

"It wasn't your fault at all, Derrick.  It was all mine.  Out of all of us, I was the one that wasn't being honest.  If only I had been honest with everyone, including myself, this would never have happened.  If anyone needs to ask to be forgiven, it is me, not you."  Being held between the two of them, like this, was heavenly.  Warm, safe and without a doubt in my mind and heart, loved, by both of them.

"Oh, my dear wife, it was just as much my fault.  I should have understood that you would be jealous.  I was so wrapped up in having you, and Derrick, that my selfishness got the better of me, and lost sight of the big picture.  Which is rather than just hurting one person, I now have the ability to hurt two people. And deeply hurt the both of you."  Cuddled into Ben's chest, his nose nuzzling around my ear, kissing me softly, Derrick  warmly comforting at my back and side, and slowly my nerves began to unwind loosening the knot around my heart and stomach.  I have no idea whatsoever of how long we stood there, clasped together in a dance of hearts wanting comfort, giving comfort.  And then just as I was beginning to completely relax my stomach decided to complain about missing supper.

Ben chuckled into my hair, "It sounds like someone is tired of being ignored.  You didn't eat supper did you?"

"No, I was to upset to eat."

"Come on, I'll cook you some breakfast."  Letting go of everyone, I slid my hand into Abby's, and quickly kissed Derrick, smiling into his eyes.  "And yeah, I will make some for you too, my bottomless pit."  Chuckling at Derrick's look of surprise, "What?  It has been, over an hour since you ate, I am sure you could eat again, right?"  Slipping my hand into Derrick's to let him know I was only teasing him, not trying to be mean to him.

Derrick was looking slightly embarrassed, "Yeah, I could eat....."  Our giggles cutting off the rest of his sentence.  Kissing Abby, a soft sweet kiss, holding Derrick's hand, keeping all of us connected. No one is going to feel left out again!  This is going to take a great deal of effort, time and attention on all of our parts to feed our relationship.  If we drop our eyes from our goal, things could spin out of our control so damned fast.  And the future would find us standing in a smoldering heap of our lives, not quite sure how we arrived at that point.

Standing at our stove cooking eggs and bacon, listening to Abby and Derrick talk while they made a fruit salad, this, this is what I wanted.  It wasn't just all about the sex for me, but feeding my soul, and for me this was a banquet.  I won't lie, sex is important to me.  People who claim it's not, are either lying to you, or to themselves.  And while I could live quite happily with keeping our sex lives separate, Abby and myself, Derrick and myself, that's not really what I want.  If you ask me keeping our sex lives apart is the road to ruin.  We need to share more of us, of our lives, our love, rather than less.  If it works for couples, it should work for a......triplet?  Yeah, that sounds good, triplet.

Tossing bread into the toaster, eggs almost done, bacon draining, happy voices at the table.  As the eggs finish up, the toast pops up, and Abby's dinner and Derrick's....snack is finished.  Sitting at the table between Abby and Derrick, the conversation flowing not quite smoothly, but in fits and starts, but the quiet spaces are not uncomfortable, just empty of conversation.  And that is fine, we are still learning each other, how we work as a...... triplet.

Abby's phone warbled Fur Elise, her mom was calling.  Running to answer it, leaving Derrick and I at the table, a smile spreading from his lips to his eyes, soon his eyes were sparkling with good humor.  Brushing his lips over mine, leaving them parked at the corner of mine, talking into me, "Aren't you glad that I talked you into coming home?"  Nodding my agreement, he continued, "Let's wash up the dishes, huh?"  Breathing an agreeing sound accompanied by a shallow nod, getting me a low chuckle, and a kiss.

Plopping down on the sofa and chatting with mom, being so damned grateful that she was calling now and not earlier when I was having total melt down.  Telling mom how much I loved and missed her, and then hanging up.  Walking back to the kitchen, I stopped to watch Ben and Derrick wash up, and was completely blown away by how they were interacting with each other.  They moved around each other like a couple, not a new couple either, but a long comfortable with each other couple.  Laughing and smiling, small kisses, hip bumping, and then it hit me, I hadn't seen Ben that happy in ages.  He has been happier this past week, than he has been for a very long time.  How, oh how had I missed his growing sadness?  Was I, am I so blind to him, to his happiness?  I had somehow missed his waning happiness, watched the glow and sparkle slowly drift from his eyes, his lips, his life.

And then, with a blinding flash of light, I understood.  He didn't love me any less, his love for me is as always consistent and growing, so much more today than when we first married.  This was something outside of me, outside of us, this was a part of him that was ever yearning, empty and unfulfilled.  Ben wasn't bored, or tired of me, this wasn't a lark or a kink that needed to be filled, but something much much deeper.  The more our love grew, the more the hole in Ben grew, gnawing at him, burrowing into his happiness, growing each year, unnoticed for the most part, but still there.  If we can make this work, the light in his eyes will stay, his newly increased desire for me won't wane, nor will his love for me.  I'm still not sure about the three of us having sex together, that seems.... crowded?  I don't have any idea of how sex with the three of us will work, the only thing I do know, is that Ben will never hurt me.

"Hey guys!  Looks good in here.  Damn!  I really need to get some tiny little shorts for you two to wear while you are being my chore boys."  They had just finished up the dishes, and had just turned around when I started talking.  They exchanged a quick look with each other.  Oh oh!  I knew that look of Ben's!  I spun around and took off, giggling.  Running down the hall way, I slipped around the corner hoping to get to our bedroom in time to shut and lock the door.  No!  I got caught at the doorway, by Derrick.  Trapping me, tickling me!  Then Ben was pulling me from Derrick's grip, and I threw a smug look over my shoulder at Derrick and stuck my tongue out at him.  AHH!  Now Ben was tickling me!  Wriggling free I raced into the bedroom, my only hope was the bathroom.  I only got a few steps before they both captured me, and was picked up and tossed onto the bed, tickling, tickling, tickling me.  When I was sure I would wet my pants, Ben finally stopped, and flopped down next to me, kissing me.  Wiping my laugh tears from my eyes, I saw that Derrick was snuggled up to Ben, like Ben was snuggled up to me, and you know what?  That is fine fine with me.

A long loud yawn came from Derrick, and he pulled away from Ben to stretch full body.  Just as he curled back into Ben, he yawned again, and then again, and again.

"We need to put him to bed, once he starts yawning he is almost asleep, and I am worn out too.  How about you Abby?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about how he had the right idea.  I am tired too."

"Abby you can have the bathroom first ok?  Derrick I'll go get your bag from your truck."

Scratching his belly with one hand, and rubbing his eyes with the other, "No, if I don't get up now, I'll fall asleep before I get my teeth brushed."  Pushing himself up and off the bed he stumbled out the door.

"You both are sleeping here tonight?"

"Yuppers.  Now hurry along, I'm not kidding about him almost being asleep.  I think I'll have him use the guest bathroom."

Teeth brushed, Abby had her pjs on, and then stood nervously beside the bed, trying to decide what to do.  Taking pity on her, "Dearest get into bed, I'll be right back."

Hurrying thru my bedtime rituals, I stepped back into the bedroom to find Derrick sitting on the edge of the bed, obviously trying to stay awake.  Walking over to the dresser, I pulled out a clean pair of boxers, stripped down, and pulled the clean pair on.  I thought Abby's eyes were going to fall from her head why she was so shocked that I would get undressed in my bedroom, with two people I have had sex with is beyond me.  Walking to the bed I waved Derrick up, so I could climb in next to Abby, and then pulled him down next to me.  Getting everyone situated took a bit, jostling of pillows and blankets, arms and legs, and then finally everyone was satisfied, and stillness overtook the room.  I was just starting to drift off, when Derrick snuggled up to my back, throwing an arm over me, drowsily kissing the back of my neck, and then he was asleep, with his nose nuzzled into my neck.  Abby was on her tummy as usual, and was rapidly drifting off to sleep.

Zzzt.....zzzt....zzzt....zzzt...z

Derrick slapped the clock into silence.  Groaned and stretched and rolled back to me.  Warm and smelling of sleep, nuzzling my ear, lazily kissing my neck, hugging me tight to him, humping his groin into my butt a time or two.  Ahh, that feels good, thrusting back to meet his thrusts, grinding into each other a bit, prying my eyes open, I saw Abby watching us.  I reached out and pulled her into my arms, and started kissing her while continuing to push back to meet Derricks soft thrusts, that were feeling better and better.  Grabbing Abby's butt and pulling her tight against my throbbing dick , grinding back into Derrick, kissing Abby, as Derrick nuzzled and kissed and licked that oh so sensitive spot behind my ear.  And then sooner than I would ever had believed possible was having the most intense orgasm of my life, grinding Abby into my dick, and my ass into Derricks dick, my lips roughly kissing Abby.  As I began to slow down, Derrick picked up speed behind me, and with a shudder came.  Abby was writhing against me, I could tell she was so close but couldn't quite get there yet, slipping my hand in between us, finding her clit and after only a few rubs had her humping into my hand.  We lay there in a sticky heap trying to regain our breath, and digest just what had happened here.

Derrick rolled away to look at the clock, groaning as he saw the time.  Moving the covers out of his way, and getting up leaving the room for the guest bath.  Kissing Abby again, I got up and went to clean up a bit, before making something quick for Derrick's breakfast.  Coming out of the bathroom, I noticed that she was asleep again.  Pulling on a clean pair of boxers and stuffing my feet into slippers, I headed to the kitchen.  Looking at the time, I realized no time to cook him anything, frozen waffles it is.  Digging the package out of the freezer, I saw some sausage patties that had been cooked and frozen, score!  Getting things ready, I opened the fridge to build him a lunch, oh yeah we didn't bring his lunch fixings with us.  Humm, what do we have that he could to take for lunch?  We have lunch meat, cheese, pickles, sandwiches it is!  I was dealing out the meat and cheese on bread when Derrick came into the room.

"What smells so good in here?  Waffles and sausage!  You're spoiling me!  I usually only eat cold cereal and toast in the morning."

"We have plenty of cereal for you to eat.  Here let me take that plate from you!"  I pretended to reach his for his plate.

"Ok, ok you can spoil me all you want!"  Laughing Derrick poured a cup of coffee, grabbing the milk from the fridge.  "Where's Abby?"

"Sleeping.  She was asleep by the time I got out of the bathroom."  Finishing up the last of the sandwiches, I started wrapping them up.  Pulling the last of the fruit salad from the fridge and dropping it into his lunch cooler.  How did we remember his cooler, and forget the food?

"This is good, thanks!"

"It's frozen waffles and sausage, nothing special.  Even I can use the toaster and microwave.  Your welcome."

"Ben?  What is going to happen tonight?"

Kissing the top of his head as I sat down, "Honestly? I am not sure."  I blew into my coffee, it wasn't that hot, but i was attempting to buy some time.  I smiled at Derrick to hopefully reassure him.  "What we need to do is to spend more time together, not less.  We need to build an us, but I am selfish enough to admit to wanting to spend time alone with each of you.  I have no idea though on how to make it work, do you?"

Derrick thought while he ate his breakfast.  "Why don't you let Abby choose?  It makes sense to me."  Getting up from the table he carried his dishes to the sink.  "Come here you and give me some love."

Stepping into Derrick's embrace brought everything into focus for me.  I loved them both, would do anything for them, everything for them possible.  And what they both needed, both deserved was to not be hurt by me, by my actions.  I need to grow a thicker skin, and move Abby and Derrick to the front of my thoughts and actions.

"I want you to think about something for me, for all of us today.  I think you need to move in now not later as we had originally thought.  That will only grow 2 couples, not what we want at all.  We will work out the couple time as we go along, but we can't do it like this, living separately.  Think about this seriously please?"

"Yeah, I think you are right.  It is pulling you and Abby apart, to pull us closer.  I'll just move in this weekend, ok?"

Kissing Derrick good-bye, walking him to the door, getting one last kiss from him before he left for the day, my heart was calm for the first time in days.  Shutting the door behind me, I was hopeful that we were finally on the right path to happiness.

Comments (2)

yep ... got a new favorite chapter!!!!!!!!Your something else ... I did see it lmao .... shakes head ... like always I am craving more now ... interesting to see how they work it out from here. Go Biki Go .......... Love Lee

congrats ur my first female follower haha. really good posts keep it up.