Driving away from the bar where Ben had left my car, headed for a quick run thru the grocery store, the cupboards were bare, and I hate eating the crap from the convenience stores. Tomorrow I need to give Ben my house key and have him get a new key cut. Thinking about the complete change my life has taken in such a short amount of time, makes my head whirl and spin.
Everyone has heard of love at first sight, it is almost elevated into a urban legend, because who do you know that has actually happened to? I mean, think about it, how would that even work? It is seeing, not knowing, two very different things. We all love certain famous people, but do we truly love them? No, with them it is all about the visual, not the knowing. But, this was not, way cute guy, want him.... The first time I actually looked, no not just looked but gazed into Ben's eyes, I knew. How I knew is, beyond me. That is all I could think about today, how impossible it is to fall in love in a single instant. Going over and over the few hours we had spent together, and how we connected on such a deep level. While we had a few points that don't mesh absolutely, it is almost scary how well we do mesh. And the points where we don't meet completely are minor things. I have met a lot of people in my life, and have never felt such an instant connection with someone ever. Where I have learned so much about someone else in such a short amount of time.
I didn't tell him the whole story about Tim before tonight. To be perfectly honest, I was afraid that he would think less of me, allowing myself to be hit, being forced into being fucked. Because whenever we had sex, it was just that, he fucked me, it wasn't ever an act of love. I was just a tool for him to use. Why did I let him do that to me? Fear. I was afraid of being alone. Fear that everything my step father said about me was true. Fear that no one else could ever find me desirable. Tonight was the first time I really allowed myself to believe I was worthy of someone's love.
Pushing a grocery cart, I hustled up and down the aisles snagging up what was needed. Maybe the next time I grocery shop, Ben can come with me. Wow! Just that thought made me feel all giddy inside! How on earth could grocery shopping make me feel bubbly? With him, I don't even have to touch him to feel a soul deep connection. Somehow he fills a place I didn't even know existed until I met him.
Loading the groceries into the trunk of my car, all I could think about was Ben's cute crooked smile, his sparking green eyes, and the feel of his hand in mine. So firm, so sure, and yet so gentle, so loving. How could a simple hand impart so much information? I swear his love for me flows from his hand into me. The flow is not a trickle, but a flood, overwhelming all doubt, all worry, all my insecurities.
Turning into the parking lot of my apartment, parking in my spot. I will give Ben my second spot where I park my truck, and move my truck into the visitor area. I'll do that as soon as I get the groceries into the house. Tonight is our first night as a couple. The cuddling before sleep, the waking up warm in each others arms, sharing the breakfast table passing the jam asking for more eggs..... all the little things that begins with two separate people and binds them into a couple. In the face of it, these things are so small, so inconsequential, as to be unimportant, mere throwaway actions. Tiny grains of connection, adhering us to each other, into a web of us.
Ben and Abby are already connected, and Ben and I were working on it. Will a day come, that Abby and I will be knit together? Will three separate couples be able to weave into a collective us? How would that feel? To love two people, with the same feelings that are usually only reserved for one. I am worried about jealously digging it's poisoned claws into our hearts, and after the evil poison has worked upon our hearts we will spin away from each other for ever. I would rather do with out Ben, much as I love him, than to hurt him.
As I was walking back from moving my truck to the visitor parking, Ben pulled into the parking lot, right into my empty spot. As he stepped out he looked surprised to find me walking toward him.
"Oh! I thought you had gone somewhere in your truck. Where is your truck?"
"I parked in visitor parking. That way you can park closer." As we were talking Ben was pulling out a small suitcase and a hanging bag. Taking the suitcase from his hand, I decided to be brave and slid my hand into his. I'm not sure what I was expecting, a slight stiffening, him pulling free of my hand? Ben lightly squeezed my hand, smiling that damed cute crooked smile of his at me.
"Are you sure? I don't mind parking out there."
"Very sure. Besides the other lot isn't paved, it doesn't matter about my work clothes, but you go to work dressed nicely."
"Thanks!" As we stepped into the door he saw the grocery bags on the counter. "Let me hang up my bag, and I'll come help you put everything away. Now, don't give me that face. First of all, if I'm gonna live here, where things live will be a handy thing to know. And, I live here now, right?" At my agreeing nod, he continued, "That means that I'm not a guest, so don't treat me like one. Got it?"
"Yeah. Oh, it would be easier for you to just wash your clothes at your.... um.... home. I have to run several loads of just soap and water to get the washer clean again."
"I thought this was going to my home now too?"
"Ok. You are right, it is, sorry. I'm having a little trouble working out how every thing is going to work. Let's get your stuff put away."
"Do you have enough room for my clothes?"
Laughing, I nodded my head, as we walked to the bedroom. Throwing open the closet doors, showing him how empty it was. "See? No worries about where to put your stuff."
"Derrick? Why don't you have more clothing? Or is it all in the dresser?"
Opening up the drawers on the dresser one by one, showing him it was as empty as the closet. "I just don't have a lot of stuff."
Ben had a funny look on his face as he started hanging up his shirts and pants. Dropping his shoes on the floor of the closet. Unzipping his suitcase, he began to place boxers, socks, tee shirts, jeans, and a few sweat shirts into various drawers. He already had more stuff here, than I did. Seeing that the top of the closet was bare, he put his suit case and hanging bag there.
Helping me put the groceries away Ben was very quiet. He didn't seem mad, and I couldn't think of anything I could have done to make him be so quiet. Was this normal for Ben? I hope not. Finished with our task, I took the reusable bags, folded them up placing them all into one bag. I dropped them next to the door until tomorrow when they will go back into the car. When I was finished with the last little bit of busy work, somehow Ben knew that what I was doing was just time wasting, and taking my hand, he led me into the living room.
Pulling me down next to him, he turned slightly on the cushion, so he could have a better view of me. Lightly cupping my face, he leaned in and kissed me. A soft kiss, then pulling away from me saying, "Talk to me Derrick. Why don't you own anything? There is nothing in your home that says Derrick. No pictures, no books, no little items we all seem to have sitting around. Barely any clothes. Is it money?"
"No, my job pays very well. I just hate shopping for clothes, I never seem to know what to buy. So, I just don't buy anything unless I need something." Looking around my living room, somehow seeing for the first time how barren it truly is. "I guess the truth would be, that I don't feel like I live here. It feels like a hotel, not my home."
"We're going to work on this. You deserve to live in a home, not some hotel. Are you telling me the truth, you aren't hurting for money?"
Getting up off the couch, going over to my computer desk, opening a drawer looking for my latest bank balance. Ah, there it is. Handing it to him, and watched his eyebrows travel up.
"Ok, money isn't your problem. Tomorrow we are going shopping. Not for clothes, I'll leave that for Abby. We are going to make this your home. Be prepared to make some choices. I'll talk to Abby tomorrow about where we should start our shopping, and ask her if she would take you clothes shopping. Now, that was a silly, of course she will take you shopping."
Smiling at me, joy dancing in his eyes, sliding his hand around to the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. Softly kissing me over and over, our passion built, until we were both breathing heavily, pulling his lips away from mine, he nudged my cheek with his nose.
"Wanna move this to the bedroom?"
"Are you sure?"
"Very. It is all I could think about this evening after we left the diner." Ben stood up, grabbed my hands, and pulled me to my feet. Kissing me quickly, he turned towards the bedroom, tugging on my hand, wanting me to follow him.
Starting to pull my shirt out of my pants, Ben slapped my hands away. Shaking his head no, he started unbuttoning my shirt, kissing my chest as it was exposed. Reaching the end of the buttons, he slid the shirt off my shoulders, stopping to kiss the top of each shoulder, licking around the base of my neck, sending shivers racing across my skin. Wanting his shirt off, wanting to touch his skin, needing to be skin to skin with him, I began to unbutton his shirt, slowly working each button thru the shirt plackets. Teasing him with little nips, blowing over skin I had licked, causing him to quiver. Ben hauled me in to hold me tightly against his warm and much furrier chest. Slightly rocking back and forth, the tickle and scrape of his chest hair against my nipples was driving me crazy! Kissing, kissing, kissing! Slipping my hands down to rest on his ass, I pulled him in hard against me, and began grinding into him. Groaning into my mouth, grinding into me, rubbing his chest over and over against me.
Taking a small step away while still keeping our mouths plastered against each other, I reached between us, and undid his belt, and started fumbling with his zipper and button. Shuddering, Ben pulled from my lips, and attacked my pants, wanting them off now. Quickly our pants were hanging open, our breathing ragged, eyes glazed with lust and hunger for each other. Pulling each other pants down, only clad in boxers, our desire obvious. Pushing Ben backwards onto the bed, I reached down and pulled his boxers down and off, and just as quickly shedding mine. Standing there by the bed for a moment, gazing down at Ben and how hot he looked. Lips swollen from our kisses, eyes heavy with lust, nipples puckered up, his dick hard and just beginning to leak, his almost hairless balls. Those are going into my mouth now! Kneeling on the bed between his legs, I stretch out and on all fours tease him by brushing my dick against his as I kissed him. A few kisses later, I pulled back and settled down between his legs, and took a big breath in. God! He smelled divine! I could still catch a whiff of his soap, but the rest was pure Ben. Tonguing his balls, lapping at them, and not able to stand it any longer, taking one of them into my mouth. Gently rolling it around in my mouth, groaning with pleasure, his smell, his taste. Letting that ball slip slowly from my mouth, I began to suck and lick the other one. Ben's hands were on my head the whole time, moaning and shifting underneath me. Giving his balls one last lingering lick, I moved up to tongue around the head of his delicious dick. Ben moaned and spread his legs further apart.
"I want you in, now."
"Ben, are you sure?"
"I wanna feel you buried deep inside me."
Opening the nightstand and rummaging around for my bottle of lube and then the realization hit me, I don't have any condoms!
Sagging down on the bed beside Ben saying, "I don't have any condoms."
"It's ok, it's ok. I can wait. Come here." Holding his arm out to me, guiding me to lay beside him. Kissing my face, running his hand up and down my back. The disappointment of not having any condoms, had deflated my desire from the peak I was racing along earlier. Tugging on my arm until he had me laying on top of him, his legs splayed, my knees taking most of my weight off of him.
"Hand me the lube." Squirting a small amount on his hand, sticking his hand between us, he slicked up our dicks, and humped up into me. Grabbing my ass, he pulled us up tight against each other, and started humping into me. And just like that, I was back racing along the edge. Quicker and quicker we humped and ground against each other, our rhythm steady and even, pulling us ever closer to our goal. I found the edge of my desire and fell over the edge, my rhythm broken, stuttering uneven strokes. As I came he broke his stride of measured strokes. Holding me tightly against him as he thrust hard last time, spilling his cum into the warm pocket between us, mingling with my offering. Laying in each others arms kissing soft and gentle, lifting away from each others mouths to catch ragged breaths. Resting my head against his, my leaping heart pounding a tattoo of sex. Piece by piece, awakening to the world around me.
Dragging a deep breath into me, "How about a shower?" Kissing his nose, temple, corner of his mouth that quirked up unevenly from the rest of his smile.
"Sounds wonderful!"
Caressing each other, in the shower, not being able to stop touching each other. Clean and more than ready for bed, we toweled off, brushed our teeth, and headed for bed. Setting my clock, making the blankets comfortable, ready for sleep, just one last thing. Pulling Ben across the bed, and into my arms. Settling my face at the base of his neck, we both were asleep within minutes.
Waking up in the dark of the night, feeling Ben cuddled up against my back warm and soft with sleep. With a smile on my face, I drifted back off to sleep again.
Zzzt......Zzzt.......Zzzt.....Zzzt....Zz
Slapping my hand on the button to get that infernal clock to shut up, rolling back into my warm place in the bed, prying open my eyes, I turned my head to see Ben smiling at me. Oh! What a wonderful way to wake up! Cuddling into his warmth, he wrapped me into his arms, smiling. Luxuriating in the feeling of waking up happy and having someone happy to see me.
"Come on lazy bones, time to get up." Pulling the covers back and slapping my ass, he laughed and kissed me. Grumbling about having to leave the idea of more sleep, leave laying with Ben, I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. Standing under the hot spray trying to wake up. Two many more of these days, and I would be falling asleep at break time. Drying off, brushing my teeth, at long last starting to feel awake. Getting dressed, how much different this morning was than yesterday! I thought he had left yesterday while I was in the shower. And this morning I knew that the sweetest guy ever made was in the kitchen making me breakfast.
Seeing Ben standing at the stove in yet another pair of my to large boxers, made my heart float and bobble around in my chest. Noticing me standing there, he turned and grinned at me. Me!
"You should have just enough time to get your lunch ready, while I'm finishing up breakfast. What do you want for dinner tonight? Do you cook?"
"I am can cook enough to survive, and that's about it."
"Humm, me too. Doesn't sound very promising does it? Eggs are almost done, get your toast ready."
"Just a minute almost done with my lunch." Snapping shut the lid of the mini cooler I use for a lunch pail, turning to say something to Ben, and all thought fled. He had paused to tug up the boxers, doing it so offhand, so unaware of how he took my thoughts and flung them up to the stars. Just seeing him do some stupid mundane task, tugged my heart upwards like a balloon on a string.
Stepping in behind him, I cuddled him into my chest. Nuzzling his neck, causing him to grin and chuckle, "If only I could have what I really want for breakfast, you!"
"Then you would have to get up earlier and I don't really think that is an option. You have a hard enough time getting out of bed as it is. Let's eat." Turning him quickly around in my arms as soon as he set the skillet down, I kissed him trying to show him the depth of my feelings. Letting go of his lips, I gave him a long hug, resting my face against his, our scratchy beards rubbing each other. Slowly releasing him from my arms we both stood there grinning at each other like a pair of fools.
"You went to all this trouble to make breakfast, I should let us get to it, huh?"
"Yeah, but kissing is nice too!"
Sitting down, chatting about little things, giving him the house key, eating, sipping our coffee, it seems as though we have been together forever, not just a few days. We are so comfortable with each other, never any awkward pauses in the conversation, no tension or uncertainty, how can that be? Oh! You evil, evil clock! Running the time so fast when I am happy, and so damned slow when I am sad and lonely. Kissing good-bye, rushing out the door at the nearly last minute like yesterday, only one more day, until he goes back to Abby. Oh well, sharing Ben is better than having no Ben at all!
Watching Derrick jog out to his truck made me think of how alike and yet different this morning is from yesterday. Today I am hopeful that we, all three of us, can build a future, that will make everyone happy. Cleaning the kitchen up, getting ready for work, a thought hit me. I could learn to cook! How hard could it be? I am going to need a beginners cook book. On the way to work today I'm going to stop by the bookstore.
Locking his, no our door behind me, I notice the beginnings of missing Abby. I called her last night and wished her sweet dreams. But, my desire to see her is starting to gnaw on me. Lunch! I will call her and see if she is free for lunch!
"Hi honey!"
"Ben! Hi! I miss you!"
"Yeah, I miss you too. Are you free for lunch?"
"No worries there, things are still slow until we hear back about if our proposal was accepted or not."
"What time?"
"The unit secretary is scheduled to be off today, so we have to cover the phones for her today. My slot is 11:30 to 12:15. Does that work for you?"
"Yeah, that should work for me just fine. How about the cafe on the corner?"
"Wait! Isn't today Thursday? Today is cream of broccoli cheese soup! You have a date!"
"Great! I'll meet you there then. I love you Abby. Miss you too."
"Oh, Ben. I love you too. And miss you madly. I told you that this living apart thing will be hard for you to do."
"I know, but we need some time with just each other before we can all live together. I'm sorry, but it just has to be that way Abby. It is just too soon yet."
Yes, yes, I do understand. I'll see you at lunch then dear. Love you."
"Abby I am the luckiest man on the earth. That you would even think of doing this just to make me happy. Thank you so very much! I love you sweetheart."
"I know dear, I know. Bye!"
"See you at lunch. Bye!"
Hanging up the phone, I felt better now that I had spoken to Abby. This just might be doable.